Gravel and Rust

Bring Out Your Dead

2012-01-30T05:50:00.000-06:00

This was going to be a post showing the pedestal flower arrangement I did for the dining room using some tall candle holders. Turned out pretty cute, but I could have used a bit more differentiation in the greenery. I was cutting stuff out of the garden, so I was using what I had. Instead, I'm feeling the sickness. It started last night just after I'd invited 20 people over for brunch next Sunday. I hope that this doesn't last.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. I'm not dead yet.

-Roxie
143

Publish This Status

2012-01-29T07:17:00.002-06:00

Saturday was a crazy, busy day for me, made even more so as I decided to invite my Mom and Sis over for dinner, as I hadn't seen them in a while. So I sent my sister a text message in the wee hours of the morning with the invitation and my Mom called back later in the morning to confirm. So that added grocery shopping and a bit of flower arranging to my already busy day. I'd turned the sound down on my phone because I was in meetings and then workshop, so I didn't notice that I was getting an unusual amount of calls. And when I did notice, I was knee-deep in dinner prep, whipping and spurring to get it all done on time.

I did, however, listen to one message from my cousin in WA, who seemed very concerned about my Mom, having not been able to reach her. I did call him back and left him a message saying that I'd spoken with her that morning and unless he knew something that I didn't know, things were fine. She's just notorious for losing her phone.

So cut to the dinner table. Mom and my sister had been to the stock show all day, as the weather has been just spectacular. We are having a nice dinner and I remember the message from Bill. "Mom", I say, "You'd better give Bill a call, he seems rather concerned about you".

"Okay" she says. "I just don't know what is wrong with these people. My phone has been ringing off the hook. All I did was repost on FB one of those messages thingies to "post this as your status if you are really struggling in support of my friend from Virginia I think. I met her when I posted on Name Redacted's who was talking about his new dog".

Now we've all seen those updates and many of us have complied to be in solidarity with others, but most will make such a disclaimer. Mom didn't, so now there are a bunch of her "friends" who believe she's in some sort of distress. All because she was standing in solidarity with the "friend" she met on FB, all because we used to have a Great Dane. Sheesh.

Despite being busy, yesterday was a wonderful day. Workshop was again awesome - I mean the workshop is awesome, but comedy is H.A.R.D. Today, I'm working around here a bit, then I'm going to head over to the Buddhist' place to sit and meditate for a while. That will be followed by some yard work. I'm hosting a potluck brunch next Sunday and with all the rain and sunshine we've had recently, the lawn and yard could use a little more straightening up. So while the temperature is at freezing right now, it is supposed to warm up to near 60 this afternoon, so it should be nice enough when I return from the temple.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Update your Status.

-Roxie
143

All Before EIght

2012-01-27T09:47:00.000-06:00

This morning I:

1. Went to Spin Class (injury free)

2. Lost Two Pair of Glasses

3. Resorted to wearing Bathroom Glasses

4. Colored my Hair

5. Made my Breakfast and Lunch

6. Packed my Breakfast and Lunch

7. Left my Breakfast and Lunch

8. Retrieved my Breakfast and Lunch

All Before Eight.

Phone-A-Friend: I actually stopped in to SEE.SOMEONE.IN.PERSON! I'm counting it. ETA: I made four calls yesterday. I forgot. WOo Hoo!

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Start your day early.

-Roxie
142

Wood Objects

2012-01-25T06:16:00.000-06:00

According to Wikipedia, that's the gift for 6th anniversaries. So in honor of my sixth, I'll repost my 5th.

Yesterday marked my five year quit-aversary. After smoking for thirty years, I finally and for good, kicked the habit. I'd quit before, sometimes for as long as two years, but really I hadn't quit - I just wasn't smoking at the time. This time, I've quit. I'm done. I'm through. I cannot foresee a situation that would ever draw me back in. The desire is gone. Well, occasionally it will drift back - but it's easy to say "I'm not a smoker" and the thought drifts off as quickly as it came.

I will admit that quitting was one of the most difficult things that I've ever done. Mine was an emotional addiction, to be sure, and it was powerful. Quitting left me in a puddle and it was exercise that really pulled me through it. I started running a month or so before I quit and it was running that kept me out of the pack long enough for the quit to stick. I had already taken up healthful eating habits (I'd lost about 75 pounds about seven years before) and had started working out a bit, so smoking was no longer in line with how I lived my life. It no longer made sense to me and for me.

And for those of you who have never smoked, good for you. For those of you that have and have quit, you know what this is. A thirty year, pack-a-day habit. Yet another one of my dubious achievements - dropping around 120 pounds, climbing out of a mountain of debt, and smoking for thirty years and then quitting. I go big or go home! I'm never one to nip anything in the bud! I wait until it's a challenge!

End of 2011 post.

I can't believe I let the date slip by me. I guess it really is a part of the past, thankfully.

Phone-A-Friend Challenge: 1

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. If you smoke, please stop.

-Roxie
144

Don't Take It Personal(ly)

2012-01-25T05:12:00.000-06:00

And don't make it personal, either. Man, the FGOs (something Grow Opportunities) just keep on coming. Work is a stressful mess this week. Part of that stress was caused by another person in another department and I was under the gun to get something out and I found myself ready to "pull the trigger". Ready to make this personal, ready to be punishing, luckily something was said to me that gave me just enough pause to rethink the action that I was getting ready to take. And seriously, yes, she did screw up, but it was not MY place to tell her about it, make her feel bad, condemn her, etc. It was not done to me or on me, it was just done and I shouldn't take it personal(ly) and I shouldn't make it personal, either. Damnit. That was a tough pill to swallow (and speaking of tough pills to swallow, I returning those damned horsepills to the Costco).

And because of the awareness of the above situation, I had this in mind when I responded to a FOO member and I was able to avoid getting hooked in and to engage in nonsense. And for that, I'm grateful, as later in the day, some not great medical news came down involving the FOO.

The mindfulness, the savoring of time and experiences is going okay. I find myself catching myself more and more often and returning to be in the "here and now" and not spinning off into the future somewhere.

Phone-A-Friend Score: 2

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Recognize the truth when you see it.

-Roxie
144

Flying High

2012-01-24T05:14:00.000-06:00

I hope your first day of The Year Of The Dragon was awesome!

Picture is from my birthday weekend back in the fall. Through a series of unfortunate events (Slater's kidney stones) I ended up taking his flying lesson. It was pretty awesome.

Decent enough day yesterday, other than the ouch factor. I'll be taking it easy for a day or so. I was just hopping off the bike (via the back - and forgot that I'd moved the seat way forward). I won't be doing that again any time soon.

My Saturday classes are great fun and they are enlightening - oh, did I say that I ran into my impr0v instructor at the Buddhist temple? He's pretty zen. He considers c0medy to be his philosophy. There was one thing last week that was SO difficult for me - and so unexpected - we had to SING! Just step out on stage and start belting out a song without accompaniment until someone from the troupe "rescues" you by stepping out, touching your shoulder and begins singing themselves. I so cannot sing - and thinking of what to sing was almost as hard as the singing - but the real skill to be learned was to rescue our fellows. I'm also learning that I need to slow down and not try to get so many words out so quickly - that I need to just slow it down - certainly a metaphor for my life right now. I'm getting the mindfulness message all over the place!

Phone-A-Friend Challenge: 1

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Soar.

-Roxie
144

The Flying Dismount

2012-01-23T09:03:00.002-06:00

I thought of several titles to this post; my favorite being Hoo Hoo Boo Boo! Yep, I made an unscheduled dismount off of the spin bike this morning and I am now on IR for a while. I don't know how those who carry more standard equipment than I do, manage. Hats off to you guys!

Yep, I went to spin class again this morning. Turns out, I know the person teaching Monday's class (but certainly not well enough to confess my klutziness), so now I have two people to whom I can be accountable for getting some exercise. And really, being done with exercise by 7am? Totally awesome.

Great weekend. Lots accomplished. Art on the walls in the dining room. I actually had the perfect print already, but it was hanging in my bedroom. It was close enough to being the right size that it will work just fine until I find the perfect thing. So I switched a lot of stuff around and will live with this for a while. Pebbles and Slater recently bought some real, original art and the artist told them that she re-shuffles her artwork once a year - just to enjoy it from a different perspective. The truth is, I never see that print as I don't hang out in my room and it wasn't even visible when passing down the hall.

I also moved something from the kitchen into the dining room and I've got a gap in the kitchen, but again, given the fact that my kitchen is just one-butt, the piece will be seen more in the dining room.

Worked in the yard for several hours on Sunday - just gorgeous weather here. I've got all sorts of stuff popping up all over - it's like I need to be Gus Grissom in order to pull weeds - or perhaps Indiana Jones - it's more of a dig to try to get the stuff that needs to come out and leave the other stuff undisturbed.

Work promises to be a stress-fest today. I shall try to stay in the moment and remember to breathe.

Phone-A-Friend: 1

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Dismount gracefully.

-Roxie
144

Should-Free Sunday

2012-01-22T10:07:00.000-06:00

I've declared today a "Should-Free Sunday", as in "I should do this" or "I should do that. All of the folks I'd made plans with for various and sundry things canceled. It was all understandable and I choose to look at this as the gift of being able to re-start and re-plan (or un-plan) my day. I'm giving up the "I shoulds" and going with the "I wants".

I should go to church, but I want to soak in the tub longer. For today, tub wins.

I should be riding my bike because I just spent all that money on it, but I'm just not feeling like riding by myself. For ~~today~~ this morning, puttering around the house wins.

I should be cleaning out the garage, but I'd rather straighten up my sock drawer. For today, the socks win.

I should be working from a to-do list to optimize my efforts, but I just want to do whatever the spirit moves me today. For today, inefficiency wins.

I should be multi-tasking in order to get more done, but I'd rather just concentrate on this one thing that I'm doing and take pleasure from it. For today, pleasure wins.

(although I must confess to having turned Iris The Mint to let her do her thing, but I use her daily, just like she was a coffee pot).

Phone-A-Friend Challenge: 0 - stayed at a full gallop all day yesterday and I forgot all about my challenge.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Don't should all over yourself.

-Roxie
143

picture of the single pin cushion flower that is bravely blooming in the front bed in mid-January

Saturday Spinning

2012-01-21T07:31:00.001-06:00

Actually, there will be no spinning for me today, other than of the mental variety. I'll be leaving the house in a few minutes, and won't be home until 2:30. Then it will be a bit of lunch, a clean up and it's off to dinner and a night of comedy. Plus, I just realized that Talia is coming over tomorrow after church with her new bike so that we can ride! And my house looks like out-takes from HGTV! So somewhere in there, I've got to find some time to straighten things back up!

Spin class yesterday was interesting - and not completely in a good way. Turns out while I was on sabbatical, my life turned into The Autumn of Medical Issues. My right boob is now sort of microchipped (not really, that was just Pebbles' suggestion - along with suggesting the implantation of a gps device so that she could track me in my dotage) - it's not a microchip, but it is a titanium marker, which I've been assured will not get me felt up by the TSA. The second thing was that my cholesterol went "insane" - a direct quote from my very reserved doc. He nearly wouldn't let me leave the office without choking down some statins. So now I'm on daily meds - SAS shoes and elastic-waist, industrial-strength polyester pull-on pants can't be far behind. So anyway, while I've got to take meds every damn day (I haven't given up on getting off of these - there has to be some reason why my numbers shot through the ceiling after being consistent for years (albeit a bit high- hereditary, cause Pebbles' is the same way), I decided to add a daily vitamin. Of the senior variety.

Unfortunately, I didn't notice that those puppies are, well, the size of puppies! OMG. But I took my first one bright and early yesterday morning before going to spin class. Mis-Take. Burpy nausea to follow. So if I want to get through the COSTCO-LIFETIME-SUPPLY of these horse pills, I'm going to have to take them at night - so not only will I have meds in the morning, but now there will be meds before bedtime, which right now feels like it should be 8:30 pm!

Phone-A-Friend: 1

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Age gracefully.

-Roxie
144.5

picture of some pansies and kale in my front yard

Switching Gears

2012-01-20T04:43:00.000-06:00

Now there's some inspiration! I could try something like that - I've got some empty frames, as does Pebbles. But for now, I'm leaving it alone. Something will bubble up to the surface - I'm going to try to relax and let it happen as it will. I'm now turning my attention to lighting. While I love this house more than bacon, the lighting is poor in every room. I know that half the days I leave here looking like Tammy Faye. And the dining room is no exception - and since it didn't used to be the dining room and Prior Owner was as green as Ed Begley, Jr, there is a fan with a light kit in the DR. And I may not like having the dining room there, so I'm unwilling to do as my intrepid designer says "kill the fan and just have some cans dropped in and we can move the light to better center it over the table" all the while I'm breaking out in.a.rash. Yes, I know she's right - and yes, lighting really IS the most important thing, I'm just not there yet. So for now, I still want to keep my escape route open. So as a temporary (but not particularly inexpensive, I might add) solution, I'm going to add some plug in wall sconces for some additional light. I've got some of the DR paint, so I can paint the covers and they won't be too obtrusive - if I can find something I like. Ah, well, I'm thinking this is a never ending deal - but it's fun.

This morning is spin class. I spent last evening getting ready so that I can get up, brush my teeth, throw on a ball cap, get dressed, grab a cuppa, hit publish and hit the road.

The day is supposed to be fabulous and of course, I can't be off work. My Saturday is booked up again (funny, funny thing - a friend of mine plans her own birthday celebration each year (I recommend this practice) and she chose to get a group together to go out for dinner and then on to see an improv comedy show. Guess where? I haven't outed myself, but it could happen, depending upon who happens to be hanging around)). Sunday promises more sitting with the Buddhists, followed by a bike ride with Talia, who just got a bike like Lori's, I think.

Phone-A-Friend: 2

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Switch Gears if you need to.

-Roxie
146.5

Running Out Of Options

2012-01-19T05:39:00.001-06:00

Option Four

Option Five

I am running out of options. And I don't love any of them. It may be that this idea just doesn't work for me. It's a little too "homespun". There's no edge, no modernity, nothing about the pieces that reflect me. So, the wall may just have to be bare for a while. Or I may move pieces that I do love to that space - although the scale is wrong for that, too. Won't know until I try that one. Hmmm.

Phone-A-Friend: 0. I flat forgot yesterday. I was teaching myself a new graphic display/collaborative tool to create dashboards and I got all hung up in that - and honestly, didn't think about the challenge until bedtime. I suppose I could have called the west coast, but I decided to just read a bit to wind down and call it a night. Sleep has been fitful, as night sweats have attacked again with a vengeance. I am moving back towards my "clean eating" norm and I read somewhere a while ago about lower carb/metabolism/sleep/night sweats, but I don't seem to have it bookmarked. It was some sort of medical research/study that confirmed my anecdotal experience with the inter-relationship amongst all the players.

I ran into the woman teaching the Friday 6am spin class and affirmed my intention to join her class this round. Okay, so I've set myself up to be accountable to someone.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Create Options.

-Roxie

Year of The Dragon

2012-01-18T05:09:00.001-06:00

I had a work event that took me to Irving last night, so I popped on over and took the kids out to dinner at our favorite Vietnamese place. It was getting all decked out for Tet, which ushers in the Year of The Dragon. It was pretty cool to see - there were these two traditional dragons and two other long, huge Chinese dragons, plus paper ones of all varieties. As per usual, we were the only non-Vietnamese people in the restaurant and Slater ordered this weird dish that came in a boat-like serving vessel. He/we didn't know quite what it was, nor how to eat it, but three different wait staff came out bearing first smaller, then larger bowls to try to tell him how to mix up and serve the dish. It was sort of like DIY Pho. Great fun. Also, there were a lot of celebratory foods being prepared and rolled into log-looking packages. We asked and it was some sort of sweet sticky rice, bean paste and pork. I would have liked to have sampled some of the oddities (to me).

No design work happened today, although I have been taking everyone's input to heart. I do like the basic design of option one, but I think I will swap out a piece or so. Plus, I like the idea of taking some of the smaller items and do a reference piece on another wall.

Phone-A-Friend: 2

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Another New Year's Is Coming - reboot if you need to.

-Roxie

Meanwhile, Back at The Ranch

2012-01-17T07:03:00.000-06:00

Option one

Option two

I'm narrowing this down. One thing that is bad about putting this stuff down on the floor is that there is a lot of "white space" around this. If it were to be up on the wall, I might appear more cluttered. I'm thinking some editing is in order, but I think I'm narrowing it down. Thoughts?

I didn't ride yesterday. It was just too windy and I was really enjoying working in the yard. I spent about four hours, just mindfully pulling weeds and neatening things up. What fulfilling work it was. Today, the bottom falls out of the weather, bringing a freeze tonight. I've actually got a couple of blossoms in the garden. Tonight will be the end of them, I suppose. Oh well, I got to enjoy them yesterday.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. It doesn't have to be perfect on the first try.

-Roxie

Dining Room ReBoot

2012-01-16T15:10:00.000-06:00

The Collage Options

I've done nothing other than lay them out on a 6'X4' grid on the sun room floor. I have no particular love for any one piece - it's just stuff gathered up. Empty frames that I put pretty paper in, etc. I was thinking about displaying some travel post cards in the white shadow box thingies. I do think there needs to be more round shapes, as the rest of the room is pretty wooden, square/rectangular and leggy. Since it is a dining room, I might introduce some plates - I have some interesting pewter plates that might mix in pretty nicely. I'll try to get a picture of those. It is worth noting that I'm not a huge fan of symmetry. That's too formal a look for such a funked-out space.

The Blank Wall - Six and A Half Feet of Fun

Dining Room - Where the West Begins

There's Got To Be A Pony In There Somewhere

Okay, HGTVers, give me some ideas for the collage.

Hellzapoppin

2012-01-16T05:06:00.002-06:00

They don't look like much now, but come late March/early April they should be in full bloom. When I first set eyes on this house, it was awash with color, of the poppy variety (both California and Icelandic). I was so glad to see their return (actually, I had to ask the neighbor across the street to come identify them, as I'd never been successful in getting them to over-winter). I spent several glorious hours working in the yard yesterday. I mowed and pulled weeds (or at least I hope they were weeds) and generally tidied things up. I could stand to do some more of that today.

I'm hoping the wind lays down, as yesterday it was just too windy for me to ride. I am a wimp when it comes to 30mph winds. I don't mind the cold as much as the wind, so Inez stayed at home yesterday. I've got today off, so I'm planning to haul out to the local lake/state park and ride on what should be deserted roads. I vow that I will ride wind or no wind. It doesn't have to be for a long time, but I will spend time in the saddle.

Yesterday's temple experience was just lovely. Joyful, even - and I didn't expect all the laughter during the teaching. I will definitely go again. I hate it that I missed two Sundays, as the teaching this month is on basic meditation and mindfulness - two thing I could stand to improve my practice of.

I've also set to work on my collage for the dining room wall. Right now, I'm trying to use/reuse/recycle/upcycle things I already own - at least temporarily. I did buy those hanging things that supposedly don't damage the walls - I hope they work! I am using my table top to plan the layout or I could use pieces of paper taped to the wall to get everything balanced before committing to a semi-permanent solution. I think this will probably be a work in progress - however, it can't take too much time, as I have been thinking about holding a brunch on the first Sunday of February. It would be nice to have the re-boot done by then.

And can I say that I find the new Britcom, Miranda, to be hilarious?

Phone-A-Friend: 1

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Blossom.

-Roxie

It's An Inside Job

2012-01-15T07:46:00.001-06:00

I've been following along with Ellen's Hate Loss Challenge. Actually, I got waylaid on the very first one, as there was some neat convergence of worlds that led me back to a certain point in my life. Ellen's challenge brought up bullying, an experience that I endured for a number of years in elementary school and into middle school. The bullying came at a time when other chaotic things were going on in my life and perhaps, if events had been singular rather than compound, it would have been easier. Anyway, I hadn't really realized how the school experiences were so intertwined with the other experiences.

The other neon flashing arrow came from a recovery book I was reading and it asked the question: "When did you start believing that you weren't good enough?" So here was the burning bush. It was at the aforementioned point in my life when I started to believe that I was not good enough, that I was flawed in some horrific way. And while I forgave the bullies and did the whole "best revenge is living well" thing, I had not directly confronted and refuted and expelled their assertions to myself. I just wanted it to stop, but I completely accepted and internalized what was being said. Because parts of it were true and therefore, it all must be true. There was just no core of self-esteem to shield it from me. I needed to go back and dispel each of those beliefs that I'd taken on as being true.

And over the years, I latched on to every external reason that I wasn't okay. I would be okay when/if:

I was skinny
I was popular
I was a success professionally
I was pretty
I got asked out a lot
I had a nice car
I had a boyfriend/partner/spouse
I had money/out of debt
I had a nice house

And as I achieved/attained most of those things, it did nothing to change my core relationship/beliefs about myself. I had no real foundation upon which to construct my self-esteem/positive self-beliefs. It's only been with in the last few years that I've began to understand and espouse "take good care of yourself". It really means, for me, if I get myself right with myself, all the rest will follow.

And none of this protects me from life's trials and troubles. Life happens. To everyone. There is no protection or way to control it. Good things as well as painful things are a part of the human existence. My default position was to view pain as a deep personal failing, that if I was better,different,less this, more that, if I had said this, if I had done that, all things that my unhealthy self tries to tell my healthier self, when the truth is I have NO control or power over the situation - but I do have some control, through doing the work, on how it affects me. To learn that I can be sad and that is not a personal failure is huge. To not internalize everything thing that happens, but to just feel whatever real thing it is.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Shore up your core.

-Roxie

Timing Is Everything

2012-01-15T06:24:00.001-06:00

Yesterday was a pretty busy day. I seemed to go from one thing right to another without much break. I was away for almost 12 hours and it sort of was unsatisfying. We had a substitute instructor at class last week and this week our real instructor returned to teach his first class. And the whole energy and vibe was very, very different. The sub had us doing all sorts of exercises, moving from one to another very quickly. That strategy seemed to help us get creative - get in a groove. Today's guy, while a sweetheart, I felt he talked too much and no one really found their rhythm. Oh well. It would have been hard to beat last week's class anyway. The sophomore slump is sorta expected.

The "meh" continued when I met friends to see the J0yful n01se - what a stinker. I think I may have even fallen asleep. But tomorrow is another day. I'm still on tap for a trip to the temple followed by a bike ride. If the weather is as nice as it was yesterday, Inez and I will be very happy.

Phone-A-Friend: 2

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Timing is everything.

-Roxie

Playhouse

2012-01-14T05:42:00.000-06:00

The long weekend is shaping up nicely. Later today I get to go back to the playhouse for more improvisational fun. After that, I'm joining friends to go see an early movie, and after that, I presume we'll all go grab a bite to eat. I'm hoping to grab a garage-ride in the morning for my exercise.

Sunday, my plan is to go to the local Buddhist temple and attend a meditation for peace. It will be my first trip there and I have no idea what to expect. So that will be an adventure. After that, I plan to get Inez out for a spin. I haven't decided if I'm going to haul somewhere or just ride locally. I do have some chores I need to get done and some errands to run, but Monday's main even will be another bike ride. It's supposed to be near 70 degrees, albeit with strong wind. I'll have to tailor my ride so that I will have a tailwind on the return trip.

I'm still puttering around with the redecorating, but no new brainstorms of creativity have overtaken me.

Phone-A-Friend: 1

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Play.

-Roxie

Charting Progress

2012-01-13T05:04:00.001-06:00

This says what I am and where I am so much more eloquently than I can. In writing this blog, the difference between authenticity and transparency has tripped me up more than once.

I have noticed this shift in me - I believe that I am living more true to the authentic plumb line, but with less transparency. And I believe that last part is a good thing, on the whole. As a recovering over-zealous-discloser, I am moving from needing/wanting validation for every move I make - that's a big change for me. I'm giving things less "traction" in my life. I don't retell stories as much. People in my life are still doing the same old stuff, but I suffer less if I don't their behavior purchase in my life. In my past, if someone asked me a question, no matter how inappropriate, I would always provide an answer, no matter how inappropriate. These days, I've placed some boundaries around me and around other people. I still struggle with how to enforce those boundaries gracefully, but they are being enforced.

Pebbles said something very touching to me the other night. She was asking me about my improv class and I was telling her about it and she said, "You are not the same person you were when I was 18. I think you have changed more in the last ten years than I have. I couldn't have imagined you then as you are now." So when it comes to measuring progress, there are always yardsticks available. Even when the progress is slow, there is progress.

Dinner last night was yummy. A little too much cream brulee, however. I may still be in a sugar coma.

Phone-A-Friend - 0. Work function went until too late to call. I'll do better tomorrow.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Progress, not perfection

-Roxie

Today Me Is Tomorrow Me's BFF

2012-01-12T05:40:00.001-06:00

I was reading an entry in an online forum I frequent where a woman was talking about her Tonight Me making her Morning Me happy because she was setting up the coffee pot so that she could wake up to freshly brewed coffee. I love this concept! One of the things that I am working on is "being my own best friend" - I don't have to rely solely upon others for affirmations, acceptance and esteem - I am responsible for those things myself.

So yesterday morning, when I was still in bed and didn't want to get up to go to the gym (and I didn't), as stupid as it sounds, I told myself that Morning Me needed to make Today Me happy. So, while I didn't go to the gym, I did pull a Helen and headed out to the garage to get in some exercise. I've got Clementine (Cha-Cha) Peddleford up on a trainer and I spent some time and some sweat there. And then Noon Me decided to make Tonight Me happy and go work out at lunch, and again, I did something different - the weather was so beautiful that I decided being out in the sunshine in January was more important than sweating. So I treated All-Of-Mes to a wonderful walk through the neighborhood. Oh, and I got a prize or three. Someone had thrown their Christmas tree out to the curb with some decorations still on it! They had these darling little disco ball looking sparkly ornaments, so I tree-picked three of them! Score!

I got the new rug down in the dining room and re-engineered some very nice dupioni silk curtains Pebbles took out of her house. They were a bit short, but I managed to rig up a solution that looks nice. I think I need to add two upholstered chairs to the mix and I'd seen some in the World Market catalog that I thought I'd like, but after seeing them, I don't think the scale is right. I'm now toying with the idea of doing a collage of items rather than a single piece of art for the blank wall. I'll have to drag out what I've got and see if I can put it together in any coherent way.

I've got a busy evening tonight - a vendor is taking me and several other people out to a fancy steakhouse for dinner and since I'll be in the area, I think I'll take in an improv "jam" session - not to participate, but to watch.

Phone-A-Victim: 1

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Be ready to hand off the self-esteem baton to Tomorrow Me.

-Roxie

Trying To Make Sense Of It All

2012-01-11T05:45:00.007-06:00

It may have been the saddest, oddest service I've ever attended. Every loss is tragic, certainly, but this was sad for a different reason. From what I could gather, the deceased had estranged himself from most everyone in his life. He had been wildly successful financially, to be sure, but really the only words that were spoken without qualification came from an eleven year old child. It certainly gives one pause.

I worked from home yesterday, awaiting the arrival of the new rug. I should have gone to work. I wish there was a better system of notification, for sure. I'd have it held to be picked up, but it is too large. It finally arrived at 6:30pm out of the back of a Budget rental truck, but too late for Pebbles and Slater to come over and do more moving about. Oh, well. It will keep.

P-A-F: 1

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others - they just might have to speak for you.

-Roxie
145

Light A Single Candle

2012-01-10T04:37:00.003-06:00

Light A Single Candle was the name of a book I read in sixth grade, I think. I don't recall what it was about specifically, but I think it involved a blind girl. Just popped into my head when searching for a way to symbolize a memorial service in the picture. Later today I will be attending a funeral for the son of a friend. Every parents' nightmare. It's the second of these within the last couple of years for colleagues' children.

I went to my first ever bike club meeting. I think I skewed the average age downward - I suspect that the younger crowd was home watching the football game. It was interesting. The talk was on bike fit. I learned a great deal about bike geometry. I'm now hoping that Inez isn't too aggressively styled for me! She leans a bit towards the racy side, rather than being all endurance. While I'd read and done some research, I found nothing that was as concise as the way things were explained tonight. Seems like a good group.

I've about convinced myself to hit the spin class a couple of times a week. I need to shake things up a bit. After years of being pretty faithful in getting to the gym, I've just gotten out of the groove and it's so hard to get it back. I understand that exercise is vital to my health and well-being and I've suffered because of my lack of motivation. I am a morning person - my energy level is at it's peak when I wake up - so I'll give this a go. I have the option of going five days a week, but I want to be realistic and not set myself up for failure.

Phone-A-Friend Scoreboard: Two Strikes

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Show support.

-Roxie
146

Rearranging Furniture

2012-01-09T04:47:00.005-06:00

So neither of the rugs worked. Both were too small (as I knew they would be). So I went off-road and ordered two new rugs (without the expressed, written consent of my designer). The runner arrived last week and I like it alright. I don't have so much money sunk into it that if I find something I like better somewhere, I can move it to some other location in the house. I ended up selected a chunky jute for the dining room. I'm worried that I'm getting a little bit too "natural" - too much wood/natural fibers. I need to get some other elements in there.

I do have these two rusty candle holders that are about two and half feet tall and I like to figure out how to put a floral topiary arrangement on top of them in place of the candles. I'd like to develop a "system" so I'd know exactly what I'd need to go cut from the garden (greenery only, of course) to be able to create fresh arrangements - like 6 pieces of traily stuff, 18 inches in length, 14 branches of this at that length - you get the picture - in order to create something like that depicted on the photo I found on the knot:

I also spent some time re-optimizing my storage space. There is the teeniest of medicine cabinets in the bathroom and a pedestal sink, so I have to use the hall coat and linen closet for well, coats, linens and all things bathroom. I shuffled things around to make better use of the space. The thing is, there is space that I am not utilizing, but it is so up and away, that it's hard to get to and I'm afraid I'll forget whatever I stow up there.

So I schlepped the two too small rugs back to the store (Marshall's) but instead of the store in which I bought them, I chose to take them back to a Home Goods/Marshall's combo store. Oh, my. There is just so much to see. I wandered around for nearly two hours and came away with nothing house related except the gift card money this whole adventure started with. I did, however, find the very shirt (a Jones of New York no-iron) - a crisp, white shirt that I was going to buy at Macy's for twice the price, so I just bought two of them. I fell in love with it when I tried it on and I'll probably regret not buying a third. I am a firm believer that one cannot have too many perfect crisp, white shirts. But I'll believe that bit about no-iron when I see it. Of course, since I've chosen (at least for now) not to install a dryer, it's Sunbeam City for me.

Phone-A-Friend Tote Board: 2

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Optimize.

-Roxie

It's Electric

2012-01-08T05:03:00.001-06:00

Wow. That was like the best party I've ever been to. This is going to be all kinds of fun. Now I just wish my brain had an off switch that would active upon exiting the theater. It took me a while to come down.

I came home and took Inez out for a spin.

Phone-A-Friend Count: Plus One

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Jump Start Your Creativity.

-Roxie

All The World's A Stage

2012-01-07T05:26:00.001-06:00

And all the men and women merely players. And come this afternoon, I'm a player. I've enrolled in a seven (or eight, I forget) week improv workshop. I'm gonna see if I've got the chops.

This isn't a "face your fears" kind of thing - this is just to see how it feels to be "on" and creating in a collaborative energy.

Phone-A-Friend 1

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Shine the spotlight.

-Roxie

Not A Lot To Say

2012-01-06T05:06:00.001-06:00

Yesterday was filled with bad news - not for me personally but to people I know in varying degrees of separation. Tragic, tragic accidents, loss of life, troubling medical news and cancer diagnoses all hit around me. Whatever I might worry about or consider "problems" pale in comparison.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Things can change in an instant.

Did my deal.

-Roxie

Spin Cycle

2012-01-05T05:25:00.002-06:00

I've been toying with this idea to take a spin class a couple of times a week. No biggy, right? Well, it's at 6:10 am - and who wants to get dressed for work at the gym? Not me.

Yesterday, I ran into one of the instructors, a woman about my age, whom I know casually. She's an experienced cyclist and it would be nice to have another source to go to for info. In fact, she was kind enough to tell me (very graciously, I might add) that I was mis-pronouncing Inez' given name - Allez. Turns out, Inez is French - who knew? Obviously not this hill billy.

So she invited me to join the class. And then it dawned on me - I live so close to the gym that I could just come home and shower and change. I wouldn't have to schlep my clothes and make-up and I know, just know, that at least once a week I'd end up wearing my tennis shoes with my work clothes because I'd forget my real shoes. I don't have to go to the locker room and change - I can just park really close, sneak in, do the deal and leave. And god knows that I get up early enough. Plus, I really am a morning person - my energy level is at it's peak first thing in the morning.

There are actually classes 5 mornings a week, but if I were to make 2 to 3, that would be stellar. So, I'm toying with it. I've got some free passes I can use for the first week, just to see how it goes. I'm sorta, kinda excited.

Now on to the hair - it's cute and it's shorter than he's ever cut it. It's not as short as I've ever worn it, but it is a nice cut. I just hope that I can fix it. And it wasn't weird this time - I think he was just going through the whole break-up thing the last time and was a little manic. He was back to his old self tonight. Whew - I don't want to have to find another stylist.

And can I just say that I love my daughter - she's one helluva gal. Yesterday morning, she noticed a bouncy spot in the floor of her guest bath - so at lunch, she came home and crawled.under.her.house to take a look. She thought she might have a water problem. She decided that she didn't have a problem and it was just something about two sub-floors and spanning distances.

Phone-A-Friend Scoreboard: 1

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Get Excited.

-Roxie

image from strivetosimplifydotcom

Rough Re-entry

2012-01-04T06:47:00.003-06:00

Well, that was rough. Tensions ratcheted right back to the levels they were before the break. There is a situation with a woman at work, not in my office, but works with me, that is coming to a head. In the past, I've been involved, inappropriately, I might add. But several months ago, I mad the decision to step out of it and the fall-out hasn't been pretty.

I've always had this motto "I/we can make this work". I would twist and turn myself into little knots trying to make everyone comfortable in all situations. I've done this for a life time - hand me your lemons and I'll hand you back the business plan for a lemonade franchise. Except that a couple of bad things happen in the process - the other person in the deal doesn't get to experience the opportunities for growth and I completely lose sight of what I want - I just think "I'll figure this out" or "I'll make this work". No more. What's yours is yours. The positives I gained, and there were some, don't outweigh the long-term negatives.

I do so hate it when things go uncomfortably at work, as work has always been such a place of peace for me. But things and people change and I can remove myself from the fray, do my job and let others do theirs.

It's back to the hairdresser again. Let's hope it isn't weird this time. If it is, well, the hunt is on for someone new.

Phone-A-Friend Challenge: 2

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Breathe deeply and let it go.

-Roxie

Return to the Real World

2012-01-03T05:26:00.001-06:00

My holiday break is over and I return to work today. I do believe this is the best break I've ever had. I practiced mindful self-care the entire break and Mother Nature was an absolute blessing - the best weather that I can recall. The unseasonable weather allowed me to get outside and work in the yard, or walk, or ride most every day. I didn't create for myself some monster to-do list that couldn't possibly get completed. I did a few things every day. I sort of took my life in 15 minute increments. If it was a task that I didn't want to do, I only had to do it for 15 minutes, then I could stop. I got a lot done with that strategy and felt good about the process.

Work has the potential to be a real stress-machine and I hope that I can deal with that as it comes - and not anticipate trouble before trouble actually arrives.

Phone-A-Friend Scorecard: 1

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Practice extreme self-care.

-Roxie

Walk Tall

2012-01-02T05:27:00.005-06:00

A shot of my closet the other day during the big re-arrangement. I am still unsure about the sitting room - I mean, for me alone, it's great, but it might feel too cramped for company. It might feel more open

As it was the first day of the new year, I set out to do the things yesterday that I would like to do for the entire year. I took the Grandbeast for a walk in the glorious sunshine, I went to church service - complete with drum circles and fire, spent my first dollar(s) of the year in the form of a charitable donation, saw three dear friends, attended a new year's day open house at another friends, took my Mom and Sis to dinner, gathered with some other friends, ate greens and wore red panties. Again, the weather was beyond spectacular. I feel so blessed to have had this time off and such unseasonable weather. Mother Nature did her share of nurturing me this break.

I plan on riding again today, my last day of vacation - I haven't decided where. I'm still not entirely comfortable taking Inez on the route to the river - I have to do some off-roading in order to get there and Inez ain't an off-road sort of gal. She's a bit more particular than is Cha-Cha. I've just decided to leave the bike rack permanently attached to Malibuken, so I can just load up and go at a moment's notice.

After my ride today, I need to rake some more leaves to get ready for garbage pickup on Tuesday. Then it will be putting together my work clothes for the rest of the week, which entails ironing. When I start talking about ironing, it's probably time to hang it up for the day and just get on with it.

Phone-A-Friend score: 2

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Walk Tall.

-Roxie

2012 is Brought To You by the Word Savor

2012-01-01T07:24:00.000-06:00

My intention for 2012 is to be more mindful, to be more present, and to savor all manner of people, places and things. Rather than rushing through everything to get to the next thing - the next task, the next bite, the next whatever, I will attempt to be grounded in the moment.

It came to my awareness that I had been considering this part of my life as "in between" something - and not entirely relationship-focused. Upon reflection, I prefer to think of this phase as the "pause" - the point at which enlightenment happens - when one chooses different options rather than just being reactive. And so rather than being something to "get through", when viewed in this new way, this part of the journey becomes the path. I know it doesn't make any sense - but rather than something to be endured, it is something to be savored, as this where the really good stuff happens and I need to be in the present enough to see it and extract the joy that is there for me to see - if I'm not rushing headlong into the next thing.

The change to mindfulness is showing up slowly, and in strange places. When I first contemplated buying this house, my first thought was that it didn't have a dishwasner. Pebbles spent a lot of time figuring out a way for me to get a dishwasher installed here in this space-challenged space. As it turns out, washing dishes by hand while looking out into the back yard is one of my favorite things to do (if done mindfully). And then other times, it's a PITA, especially if I am rushed. Progress, not perfection.

So savoring is a fine and lofty goal, but how does it translate into real life? What does it look like? Well, when I am eating at home, I will set the table(bar), complete with placemat and all the silver. I will light a candle, if dining after dark. When doing my phone-a-friend challenge, the goal is not only to make the call, but to be present and to really listen to what is being said, rather than rush through with me interrupting to get in MY next thought (a horrible habit that I will curb this year). The only downside to this is technology - oh how I hate my smartphone. The service is lousy - I can hardly find a place in this house that gets good reception.

So that's the basic intention for 2012 - to stay mindful, to stay present and to savor all manner of things.

So on to the re-decorating. Neither of the rugs I bought work, so they need to go back. And while I do love the new dining room, the new living area is pretty small and cramped, due to the large furniture pieces that I have. So I am undecided about everything except the driftwood horse. I love that piece. The console/buffet I'm not totally in love with, but I am feeling some guilt about all the trouble Pebbles and Slater went to to get it all over here and re-arrange everything. That being said, I ALWAYS suffer from buyer's remorse, so I need to separate those two feelings to get to my real truth and I've got some time to do that.

Phone-A-Friend Score for yesterday: ZERO - I had plans to call a couple of people and then got wrapped up with the redo. Today I will do better.

Happy New Year!

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. SAVOR.

-Roxie

Introducing Inez

2011-12-31T05:48:00.001-06:00

Let me introduce Inez. She was a present from Santa (if Santa signs her checks Roxie Stone) ;-).
I've had her for two weeks today and have been riding pretty steadily - albeit short rides. My plan was to ride with Slater yesterday, but my day didn't go exactly as planned - Anne H had to work and while and it was supposed to be a spa day, but my interior designer decided it was a "work" day, so we went shopping instead.

A couple of weeks ago, I asked her what she thought about me turning the living room into a dining room, as it is the coldest room in the house and as the dining room, wouldn't be used as often. The plan had always been to turn the second large bedroom into a den, but really, I'd rather have a dining room than two living areas. And yes, I already have a dining room, but I like to keep it devoid of furniture, as it really is the visual showpiece of the house. All of this started because I just wanted to run by and return some Christmas gifts that didn't work. So while I was standing in line to return clothes, she went to look at area rugs. Her pitch? Take that gift card, throw in $50 bucks and you've got something substantial to show for it. And that's what started it all. I bought an area rug for the new living room, (actually two, as the designer wants to see them both in the space with the light, and then we'll choose) a console/buffet thingy for the new dining room and a piece of art (a wooden horse) that I am just smitten with. It all arrives later this afternoon, along with the moving/design crew (Pebbles and Slater) to rearrange everything. Bonus is that I am able to use my old harvest table (that was too big for the real dining room but will work just fine in the new dining room) that I just painted and all my chairs - so this solution came out to be cheaper and more functional than what we had in mind at first. It will be a little weird to walk in to the dining room, but hey, the space is better optimized. Plus, if I don't like it, well, I'll probably have to hire some help to return everything to it's original spot. The new stuff could work just as well in the living room, so no big loss.

Phone-A-Friend tally: 1.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Be flexible.

-Roxie

Old McDonald Had A Farm

2011-12-30T09:19:00.000-06:00

Old McDonald had a farm and on that farm, besides his cutting horse, he had some art - why oh why oh why...

Yesterday was a soul-enriching day. The weather was perfect and I hauled Inez out to Talia's place to begin our ride in her county. It was a hilly, but beautiful ride - just being out, getting exercise, sharing time with a dear friend and enjoying nature - life doesn't get much more perfect than that. Yesterday was a joy, for sure.

Today, I am heading over to Dallas to have a spa afternoon with Pebbles, a bike ride with Slater (Pebbles is down in her back) and grab a cuppa with Anne H, if her schedule allows.

Phone-A-Friend score from yesterday is 1.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

-Roxie

Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head

2011-12-29T05:36:00.004-06:00

Okay, so do you remember that scene in the movie "Oh, God" when it was raining INSIDE John Denver's car? Yea, well, that was my morning yesterday. Turns out that having your car detailed, including shampooing everything AND leaving the car parked outside on a cold, frosty night will create a private little weather system right there in my very own Malibuken.

Of course, it freaked me right out when it started happening. And I got to see my reactive, fear-based self at full-throttle. First, I decided that the detail people had somehow broken the seal on my windshield. Secondly, they would never, ever acknowledge that they had done so. Thirdly, I would probably either cry or have a wall-eyed fit when trying to confront them and get them to make this right. Fourthly, I was going to have to seek out legal action against them. Ad nauseum.

So I took the car back to the place and did manage to calmly ask for the manager, who remembered the car from yesterday AND remembered that he hadn't been the one to turn to keys back to me and to tell me to "Keep the windows cracked so that the moisture from the shampoo job can dissipate". He also said they would fix it right up - extract more moisture, redo the water streaked dash, give me another free detail AND write up an action report so that if I ever had any more problems, that we both would have a record of what had happened. Holy Shit.

I did have to leave the car there, so it did nix my plans to go "Ride The Rock" again in Dallas, but I managed to get in a ride domestically (and I remembered to remove my helmet when finished). All in all, a pretty good day - with some lessons learned for me - that I cannot see and predict the future, that sometimes things turn out perfectly, and that if I can get my attitude right, my chances for a good outcome increases exponentially.

Phone-A-Friend Results: 1 planned call and 2 that developed "organically" throughout the day for a total of 3!

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. I can see clearly now, the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way. And they are me.

-Roxie

You Can Leave Your Hat On

2011-12-28T06:30:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was a great day. It was coldish in the morning, but it warmed up and was sunny and gorgeous the rest of the day. I decided to take Inez out for a spin (more about her later) and just did a domestic ride. I came home, parked her in the garage. I took a look around and decided that the "lawn" needed to be mowed, so I grabbed the weedeater and the power cord from the garage and set to work. Got that done and swept up. Raked and bagged some leaves and edged the neighbors "death strip". I guess all told, I probably worked outside for an hour and a half. The weather was warm and it was glorious. I can see where I've got some dafs peaking up out of the ground. I look forward to seeing what spring will bring.

It was only after I went into the house that I realized I'd been outside in my front yard, working, speaking to the neighbors as they walked past while still wearing my bike helmet. I am totally that woman at whom little children point! Obviously, I am helmet challenged in many ways. When I was shopping for Inez at the bike shop, the owner instructed me to go put on a helmet - and thanks to my gracious son-in-law, I was told that I had it on backwards! And there is always the story of my first foray into helmets.

I took Malibuken in to get detailed. Oh man. What a difference! I hadn't realized he was that bad, as I do wash and vacuum him regularly. But that detail job was fabulous - he looks sparkly new again.

As for Phone-A-Friend, I made two phone calls yesterday. One I was able to get through and one I wasn't. I don't know if I will count the unsuccessful ones - I'm thinking yes.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. You Can Leave Your Hat On.

Roxie

Phone-A-Friend

2011-12-27T05:56:00.000-06:00

Well, that was a bust. Turns out, rather than become more outgoing, I isolated even more. So with just a bit of de huevo en la cara, I am making another run at this.

As the new year is upon us, I always think of my friend Meg and her practice of setting an intention, rather than a resolution. I've been thinking about that, and my goal or intention of what I'd like to bring into my life is still the same - I want to increase my human contact and more importantly, increase my comfort with social interaction and to be authentic when doing so. To this day, I'd rather address a room of 400 than pick up the phone and call even the closest of friends. Calling someone just for the sake of calling, without a legitimate reason makes me anxious, it makes me nervous and it makes me feel vulnerable and vaguely ashamed. I pretty much understand the psychology behind it and now it's time to get on with a plan. Starting now, and through 2012, I will make one phone call each day. And no, calling someone and ask if their refrigerator is running doesn't count. And I will be accountable for it here.

This idea sprang from one of my blogging friends and heroes - Dana, who picked up her phone and called me last week. We had a wonderful conversation (at least I thought so) and it got me to asking myself "Could I do that?" just call like that. It would take a lot for me to do it, but I do feel that I need to do this a bunch in order to normalize the action and behavior for me. I am hoping that with time and repetition that it does get easier.

So there it is. Same goal, new strategy. I'll report back tomorrow on how it goes.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Reach out.

Roxie

Auf Wiedersehen

2011-10-23T21:48:00.000-05:00

I’ve been on hiatus - or more accurately, on sabbatical from Gravel and Rust - a working/renewal time. I spent a good amount of time thinking about this blog and what it has meant to me over the past ten years - both good and bad.

I have a series of core beliefs - one of which is that the way people behave, the things they do, are done basically in an attempt to get their needs met. That as humans, we each have a set of needs - for food, shelter and human contact - intimacy, if you will.

Another of my beliefs is that what we focus on grows - if I devote time, energy and effort to something it will grow. Over the years, I’ve spent countless hours blogging on a nearly daily bsis - both in writing mine and reading others. The question becomes: does continuing serve my best interests? Would continuing to invest in this blog make me happier and propel me further down my path?

The idea that blogging may no longer be the best way to meet my needs came from a German univeristy.

A few months ago, I was asked to participate in a research study of bloggers. Of course, I was skeptical, but this one checked out as being legitimate. As I was filling out the questionnaire, I became upset, as I felt the researchers had been less than forthright about what they set out to prove in their research. At some point I stopped answering the questions, as I was highly offended by the nature of the questions. To paraphrase, they were asking leading questions to gather a psychological profile of bloggers as people with few friends, socially awkward (my paraphrase) who used the internet rather than have actual human interactions.

But it did get me to thinking. Did I fit that category? How well rounded an individual am/was I? Did I fit that blogger profile? What was driving my need to blog? What need was I meeting by blogging? For me, it was a combination of things - external affirmation and a need for intimacy, to find and connect with like-minded people - something I seemed to think impossible for me in my real life.

The time has come for me to leave this behind. To concentrate on my 3D life - cultivating friendships and creating real intimacy . I’ve substituted the keyboard for skin far too long. In my year of living authentically, it’s time to move completely into the real world.

I appreciate and thank each one of you for all you have given me.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Act in your own best interest, always.

Wishing you all love, peace and prosperity,

Roxie

Following The Path

2011-09-21T08:45:00.000-05:00

I am doing well. Life is good. My Path is leading me forward. I just don't seem to have any blogging inspiration these days - it's not a bad thing; it's just a thing. I feel the need to be quiet right now, so I will be taking a break until I feel like I have something worthwhile to say.

While I'm away:

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Treat yourself with loving-kindness. You deserve no less.

-Roxie

Shampoo: The AARP Years

2011-09-14T21:43:00.000-05:00

Now that was an unexpected experience. I went to get my haircut last night. I'm notorious for waiting forever to get my hair done. I've been trying for a couple of weeks to get in, but I know it has probably been three, maybe four months since I've been in.

When I walked in the place, I could tell things had changed. It appeared that most of the stations were now empty. I knew the creepy color guy had moved elsewhere, along with one other stylist, as I'd gotten a voicemail to that effect some time back. I didn't know the place had nearly shut down. There was only one other stylist at work besides my guy. And my guy looks like hammered coyote crap. I thought to myself, "Oh dear, his cancer has returned" and maybe it has, I didn't ask because I'd no sooner sat down than he asks me about my "status" and he explains he's going through a divorce (his third).

He tells me that he can tell that I'm now single as I'm much more open - there's no "wall" around me. Well, Kreskin, hate to burst your bubble, but my being open has more to do with the choices that I make to be that way, plus the salon isn't teeming with people, including creepy color guy. And then things just get weirder.

He's not hitting on me, but he starts telling me how I should dress, that he needs to dress me, where I need to shop that I need to make sure I'm "looking sexy" whenever I leave my house. That I will surely attract a man and can be happy. I keep telling the guy that I'm not unhappy. Yes, going through a breakup isn't fun, but it isn't the end of the world. I've got lots going on. "Don't I get lonely?" he asks. "Sometimes, but I got lonely when I was partnered, too".

He talked about how much he hated the evenings - that he didn't drink, didn't do sports. I agreed that it might be tougher for a man (he's a bit older than me, I think). I don't know how much of this was sincere discussion on getting on with one's life or how much was marketing strategy on his part. That the single women who come to him expect some sort of Svengali-like sweet talking. It was just weird. And I think he was just projecting a lot of his feelings unto me.

My response to him was that I wasn't going to dress up to be someone that I'm not. That I can think of nothing worse than being that woman who tries too hard. That I am not on "the prowl" and while I wasn't opposed to pairing up with someone sometime in the future, it was not a priority for me right now.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Lather. Rinse. Repeat

-Roxie
137

I'm No Roger Ebert

2011-09-13T10:53:00.000-05:00

I saw The Help last night and I didn't love it. It didn't come anywhere close to the book - and I'd heard many people say that it had.

Oh, it was an okay movie, I suppose, but it lacked the tension and the texture of the book. I think with the exception of Viola Davis and the actress playing Celia Foote, it was miscast. There was a review on NPR that I read last night, and I agree with it. I didn't think it was particularly good period piece, either. It just didn't ring true to me in the look and feel. I expected to bawl my eyes out, I didn't shed a tear.

I can't say the same for this preview - it had me (and Talia) in tears in a matter of minutes. I shan't be seeing this one - although I'm positive it will be epic.

Gone. Again.

2011-09-13T06:54:00.000-05:00

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Living well is the best revenge. (Not that one should live with revenge in mind - that's negative and it's aging - plus it puts ten pounds on you)

-Roxie
137

Field of Dreams

2011-09-12T06:50:00.002-05:00

Had a blast, albeit a hot one, at the race. I'd never been out to that particular state park. Everything is so hot and so dry that we are under extreme drought conditions, so the normal parking area for this race couldn't be used. We had to park quite a ways away and schlep our stuff in to watch Slater race. Luckily for Pebbles and me, I just happened to have two umbrellas in the car so we played "group tour leaders". We looked stupid, but the little bit of shade was worth it.

Slater was disappointed in his performance, but he came back alive, so I was impressed. He was, however, bleeding, bloodied and scratched all to pieces - not to mention red-faced and wheezing. I asked him if he had fun and he said "No, but I can't wait to do it again". Next time, I'll do a little research myself and take my hiking/walking shoes and get a little exercise for my sweat.

And my new camera in my fancy-pants phone just sucks. I don't know if there is a setting or something that I need to change. But compare the above picture quality with the picture below, taken with Pebbles' camera:

I ran into the local university's head football coach at the gas station on Sunday morning. And I spoke (I do not know him, I just know who he is) and said "Good morning, Coach. Congratulations on the win yesterday". He responded with "Thanks". As he walked into the store for his Sunday morning Big Gulp (I don't know what he bought), I just sat in my car and laughed and said to myself "Roxie, I don't know who you are anymore". In my past, I would have never spoken. And I did it yesterday as if it was as natural as breathing, and it really was. I just did it. I didn't think about it. I'll take my progress in whatever manner it comes.

I haven't had any formal exercise, but I've been busy and my food has been good. It's been cool enough to really enjoy time in the garden, cleaning up a bit for fall and feeding the Big Green Monster (compost tumbler). I might just be a garden nerd.

This week promises to be crazy busy. I'm going to see The Help tonight with Talia. Tomorrow, I get this hair wrangled back into some shape with my regular guy, Jack. Wednesday, I'm going to an awards ceremony for the local historical society, Thursday I have couple of things going on and I can't remember what the rest of the week holds, but I know it's busy.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Be Outstanding In Your Field.

-Roxie
138.5

I am Feisty

2011-09-09T10:03:00.000-05:00

The definition of feisty is full of animation, energy, or courage; spirited; spunky; plucky; or ill-tempered; pugnacious. I used to think of myself as feisty, but I prefer to let that go and define myself by less agitating/negative energy words. I'm working towards being much more easygoing and zen-like. I'll leave the pugnacious to others.

Things that made me smile today:

1. There was this young teenager driving a Suburban around the parking lot of a grocery store. In the passenger seat, but hanging out the window, was a big black lab. Both had a smile on their face. It was just fun to see.

2. The break in the weather has me outside a bit and enjoying it. I've finally got to get back out into my garden and work around without feeling like I was walking into a blast furnace.

3. Again with the Jimmie Dale Gilmore love. She's always available for an early morning coffee and a chat. Yes, I speak aloud to the cat and she vocalizes right back in that nasal twang of hers.

Plans for the weekend include going to a progressive art exhibition on Saturday night. Sunday involves me joining Pebbles to see Slater compete in his first mtnbk competition. Well, we won't actually see much of the competition, but we will get to be outside in what should be a lovely morning, weatherwise.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. There is all kinds of energy - choose wisely.

-Roxie
137.5

Channeling Laura Petrie

2011-09-08T10:34:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling very MTM-like today. I'm sporting dress capris and flippy hair. The hair is flippy because it's too damned long and I can't get an appointment until next Tuesday. Then, of course, I'll be lamenting that it's too damned short.

Until I got a sweet email from Dana (it's her birthday - go wish her well!)this morning asking me of my whereabouts, I didn't realize I hadn't updated in a week.

So here's the news in a nutshell:

Visit with cousins went well.
I bought a compost tumbler.
I spent approximately six hours putting it together.
I am very proud of this accomplishment.
I spoke with Bick for the first time in almost six months. So mostly, I've been processing that - as Pebbles and Slater are going to get the remainder of my belongings on Saturday.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Things change.

-Roxie
137.5

Bed Hopping

2011-09-01T10:17:00.000-05:00

If you've read this blog for any length of time, my frustration with all things mechanical is well known. Back in the days when I lived at Reata South, I would regularly be reduced to tears and tantrums by the lawnmower, the weedeater, Big Red, anything with moving parts and/or instructions. This past week has been no different.

As I may have mentioned, my oldest boy cousin from WA is in ~~hell~~ Texas right now visiting his oldest daughter. He has his youngest daughter, 15, in tow. The plan was for them to swing by my part of the state to visit - mostly with my Mom, as they have more of relationship than he and I do. Anyhoo, I'd invited them to stay with me, here at Collinwood-Smythe, in the vastness of her two bedrooms, one of which has yet to be furnished. So how to make this work?

1. Boy Cousin gets the lavender bedroom

2. Teenaged Cousin once removed gets The Barge, which made up, is twin-bed sized and quite comfy.

3. Roxie gets an alternative-bedding-solution in the empty bedroom.

And thus began the Trial-By-Air-Mattress. As it turned out, Pebbles and Slater still had the camping air mattress that Bick bought for our camping trip last year. "Great!", I thought. I can use that and then return it in the Great-Stuff-Swap of September, 2011. So, I swing over to Dallas and pick it up last week. I decided to get a head start on all of this, so a few days ago, I unfurled the thing. No pump. I called Pebbles to ask about it. She said they never got it and didn't I remember her telling me that they had to blow up the queen-sized air mattress by mouth on their last outing? No, I hadn't remembered.

I remembered that Bick used some sort of pump he had that plugged into the lighter in Colorado last year. So I thought, well, I'll just go buy a pump. So I do just that. And try to make the pump work. Turns out, not universal. So I return the $15.00 air mattress pump and decide to buy a whole new kit, even though I hate to own more stuff. I get around this by deciding to donate it to Pebbles' and Slater's camping gear, since the original mattress is going north in a couple of weeks.

So I get home the new kit. I buy batteries. I read and re-read the instructions. I figure and futz and fume and use many F words in trying to get this damned thing to hook up and inflate. There are tears and recriminations. Finally, finally, finally, the magic happens and the mattress inflates within a mere seconds. It is a thing of beauty. And so for the next several days, my new mattress sits in the bedroom, awaiting use.

I go about planning the rest of the cousins' stay. Meals, outings, how to minimize those poor, pale PNWers time in the blistering heat of Texas in the midst of a 30-year drought and heatwave. I've got lists. My lists have lists. And then I get the call last night.

"We've already pre-paid for the hotel in Dallas. We'll just swing by for dinner and a visit and then head over. We want to be closer to the airport". Well, okay then. It's not really closer to the airport, but I'm taking life on life's terms these days, so it will all be just fine.

Except now it's time to get the genie back in the bottle. I need to get the air mattress deflated and back in it's handy carrying case. I get out the instructions. The instructions for deflating are about as instructive as the instructions for inflating. Again, after several misfires, mistrials and misery, I get the pump hooked up in reverse to get the thing De-flated. And in a feat of map-like folding, I get that rubber monstrosity re-origamied and back into it's purse. Whew!

Smile Starters

2011-08-29T14:49:00.000-05:00

Here's what's making me smile today:

1. Hearing Jimmie Dale Gilmore calling to me this morning when I went into the garden.

2. My new jeans - dark rinsed, trouser style.

3. Talking to Strangers - I was having sushi at a crowded restaurant and invited a couple to join me, as all other seating options were full. We had a nice conversation and it's wasn't nearly as weird or uncomfortable as it sounds.

4. My amazing house and her fabulous electric bill - second month running!

5. Practicing loving-kindness meditations.

6. Running into the President of my company at the carwash and speaking to him. (No longer pretending I'm invisible is HUGE for me).

7. Being the "Fruit Fairy".

8. Sushi - even though the soy sauce gave me a sodium bounce today.

9. FInishing The Help - cried some, actually. Now to see the movie

10. Anticipating Fannie Flagg's new book.

11. Dinner invitation with friends this evening.

What's bringing your smile today?

Food has been good. Exercise could be better, but I've been busy doing yardwork/chores, so I'm counting it.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Look for reasons to smile.

-Roxie
138.5

Almost Famous

2011-08-26T14:32:00.000-05:00

While I didn't get to complete the whole project yesterday due to my friend's illness, turns out I still made the news. I've been greeted many times this morning with "Hey, I saw you dancing on the news this morning." I shudder to think of what the clip looks like and I can't seem to find a replay of it online - which is probably good. I don't know if it will replay on the local NBC affiliate's evening news cast.

Crazy From The Heat

2011-08-26T06:20:00.000-05:00

Yesterday didn't turn out like I'd planned - most days don't. While practicing for the recording of the dance thingy yesterday, my dear friend and colleague collapsed from the heat. Consequently, I spent the rest of the afternoon with her, the paramedics and then getting her safely home. Quite scary.

I heard from her later in the evening and she was fine, so I am hopeful today has her feeling back up to snuff.

I don't have much on tap for this weekend - just the usual meetings and chores. Nothing particularly outstanding on the horizon, but that's okay. If I can spend another morning like this one, having coffee in the garden with Jimmie Dale Gilmore, it makes for a spectacular day.

Saturday morning I am going to help install a community fall garden and then come home and work in my own yard, depending upon the time and the heat index. I may have to put that off until Sunday and find another way to exercise in the cool if I can't ride my bike on Sunday morning. Finding ways to ration the cool of the morning is becoming difficult.

We also start water rationing here on Monday. Our drought conditions are severe. I don't know how that will work for me - I don't know that I can keep my place watered in the allotted time on the allowed days - two days a week. Handwatering is allowed. I've never been through this, so we'll see. I think my days are Wednesdays and Saturdays.

Looks like I have a first cousin and his teenaged daughter coming to stay one night with me next week on their trip through Texas. That should be fun - I haven't spent that much time with him, but what time I have has been a barrel of laughs. He's a WA cousin, so he just might croak from the heat.

I'm off to get in a walk this morning.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Keep Your Cool.

-Roxie
138

How Could It Be Thursday?

2011-08-25T06:04:00.000-05:00

This week has flown by in a blur! It's been a good, but hectic week. I wrote that I was having lunch with Valerie last weekend. What I didn't say is that she has a very limited palate. Mexican food, of either the fast food variety or the restaurant variety, is pretty much it. For me, Mexican restaurants are one of the hardest places for a non-carby person to go. I have figured out the coffee trick and that works pretty well to keep the chips at bay and if I don't have that first one, I'm good to go. The second trick I just discovered last weekend was ceviche salad. Luckily for me, her first restaurant choice was closed and so I made a second suggestion, figuring I could always get a grilled chicken fajita salad or somesuch. But I chose a restaurant she'd never been to and I found the ceviche salad on the menu. And boy was it yummy! Great, great choice for me. Now, I'm going to suggest that restaurant for all our outings, at least during the warm months, as we can both be really happy with it.

Food has been good, exercise has been good. Today I'm participating in a special televised (locally) event to support breast cancer research. I've went to the dance class to learn the moves - I've got one more practice today, followed by two hours of filming. In.This.Afternoon.Heat. If I don't return, it's been nice knowing you!

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Get yourself a nice piece of fish.

-Roxie
138.5

Be The Change

2011-08-23T10:31:00.000-05:00

For nearly ever, I've been griping about the "food pushers" in my office and having to run the baked-goods-gauntlet just to get a cuppa joe in the morning. This morning on my way to work, I was thunderstruck with an idea - what if I changed things? What if I brought in fresh fruit each week for the communal area? Could I evoke a change in the culture? Would people make healthier choices if that choice was easily available? Would they choose an apple rather than an apple fritter? Can I start a trend?

I am not trying to be the food police at the office. However, of the 17 or so of us in this division, I am probably in a three-way tie for "most healthy". So I'm committed to bringing in a few dollars worth of fresh fruit or perhaps some chopped vegetables to share each and every week until the end of the year. I wonder if it will make a difference?

Watch this space.

Out Of The Dark Ages

2011-08-23T04:44:00.002-05:00

My new phone. I just picked it up last night. Everyone who knows me, knows that I am not an always-has-to-have-the-latest-gadget. In fact, I'm rather gadget-avoidant. I'm sure there is a DSM-IV code just for me. However, I'm working on a new development project at work - porting some of our web aps to mobile devices, so it was time for a smartphone (plus work is buying it for me). That part is nice, but the bigger monthly bill is all mine.

I'd seriously considered getting an iPhone, as Pebbles and Slater are both members of that cult. However, there is still a custody issue over my phone number, even though I've had it for ten plus years - Spr1nt considers it my ex-husbands' (who did have to have the latest and greatest, which is why I have this phone contract in the first place and goes a long way in explaining why he is an ex- something new came out and he wanted it "Here Honey, why don't you just take my phone. You are home alone and on the road by yourself so much." ) phone and in order for me to change providers and keep my phone number, he would need to show up in person and relinquish custody. Which he would totally do, but I needed to move fast on this - so I just stayed with Spr1nt's best (hopefully) a new Photon 4G. It has many bells and whistles and I hope that they don't go off accidently.

Sleep has been not good recently - which has a great deal to do with my metabolism gearing up, I think. When I'm eating on program, my sleep goes down to five hours. When I'm loading up with carbs? Sleep like a baby. I am going to try the "cool pillow" deal. Some recent research has shown that insomniacs received an amazing amount of relief when they slept in a "cooling" helmet - something that kept their heads cooler. I ain't got nothing in my fridge 'cept Diet Coke anyway, I think there's room for a small pillow. I'm sure if that is ever discovered, there will be a DSM-IV code for that, too!

Food has been good. Exercise has been good. I'm now sitting at a threshold weight. It will be interesting to see if I self-sabotage my way out of this one - which I've done for several months when I start to see the 140's in my rearview.

The plan is some exercise this morning, as meetings at work won't allow for a lunchtime gym trip. I've got my eggs a-boiling for some egg salad for lunch and I don't have a clue as to what dinner will bring.

Tonight's exciting plans include watching the final Netflix episode of Doc Martin. And then it will be up to me to pick the next series to watch. I don't even remember the last time I actually watched anything "on" TV - when the set comes on, it's either to stream Netflix or Pandora. Oh, and I think my phone will "project" onto my TV - Craziness!

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Be Au Courant.

-Roxie
141

On Thin Ice

2011-08-21T07:31:00.001-05:00

All limbs accounted for. Nothing broken or severely bent. Yep, I survived my ice skating adventure last night. I cannot begin to recall the last time I was on ice skates. There were no twirly-twirls last night, no Hamill Camels or Katerina Witt-style foot-in-hand moves, but I didn't fall, so there is that. It was a fun time and much more "athletic" than I remembered. I wasn't skating with much speed at all, but after about 45 minutes, I was done. Decided to quit while I was still intact.

Did a morning bike ride on the rails-to-trails with Talia yesterday. I would have like to have gone further, but she didn't have the time, so a short hour or so ride was all we could fit in. Still, it was great to be riding in the shade. I do love that trail.

I also took myself out to dinner last night before the ice skating outing. I had a Groupon that I needed to use. It wasn't a table-cloth restaurant - it was a BBQ place, but they still had tables and no seating at the bar. So, I just walked up and asked a couple of people sitting at a large table if I could poach with them. Turns out, it was the owner of the place and we had a nice conversation. While I've dined alone, I'd never really asked if I could join people. But the table was big and so I did it. Worked out to be a pleasant meal.

As for today, I haven't decided what exercise I will get. I've probably missed my bike riding window - plus I'm a little sore from ice skating last night. I'm thinking this morning will just be a meditative walk through the public gardens. I also want to time my walk to the nearest bus stop, in case I want to take the bus to work again. It's not nearly as convenient as it was when I lived in The Closet, but it is still doable.

I'm having lunch with Valerie - haven't seen her much this summer. It will be good to see her and catch up, plus she got a new puppy. Yeah for puppy breath!

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Try new things.

-Roxie
143.5

Boyfriend Jeans

2011-08-20T10:05:00.003-05:00

When he gave the first pair to me, he said “These will look good on you”. These were a pair of 501, classic button-fly Levis. It’s what he always wore. He kept five pair in constant rotation, but after a short time together, he needed to move up a size and handed me the well-worn, perfectly broken in pair of jeans.

“Your ass looks good in those jeans” he said when I modeled them. And so I began to wear his cast-off Levis. Over our time together, he continued to get a bit larger and I continued to get a bit smaller - so the fit of the jeans changed - from one he preferred to a lower-on-the-hipbone fit that I preferred.

The key to wearing these very masculine mens’ jeans was to pair them with the girliest of girl things - a boho, frilly blouse, a pair of killer heels, the perfect white shirt and awesome belt - reminiscent of that Tina Turner video from decades ago. Those jeans became a signature piece for me. The retro piece in a style that Allison Lowe termed “elegant cowgirl”. My look. My style. My boyfriend jeans.

The jeans made for some comic moments as well. One day, he came home from work and asked me to bring him all “my jeans”. At that point, he got out a sharpie and marked a black X on all the leather tags so as not to repeat that day’s mistake. He’d accidently picked up a pair of “my” jeans - now too small for him - and had worn them to work that day - uncomfortably. We had such a laugh over that.

All the jeans, now perfectly sueded, their cuffs frayed in that well-worn way, the denim butter
soft, and the perfect blue - those jeans were quickly stashed in the closet when I moved in here. The summer was too hot for jeans and so they hung there, unseen and forgotten. Until this week. When I saw them again. And knew that it was time for them to go. I couldn’t wear them anymore. Even the pair that I love the most - that first pair - the most worn, the softest pair.

Joy For Beginners

2011-08-17T06:48:00.000-05:00

The jet ski trip did not work out. The company inexplicably cancelled my reservation and failed to return numerous texts, emails and phone calls. I finally heard from someone late yesterday afternoon with a promise that the manager would call me last night. No call came. So while I was disappointed, I had to look at it as just not in the cards for me, for whatever reason. So I was given a day to do with exactly as I pleased.

The trouble is, I sometimes have trouble knowing "exactly as I please". I thought of a hundred different things to do, places to go and couldn't decide. The question that I finally asked myself is (shamefully) this "What would I want to do if I wasn't worried about telling people what I did?" Phrased another way, "Which is more important to me - what I did or what I get to tell people I did?" How's that for deflating the big head?

Turns out, what I really wanted to do was to have some water and some sun - so I donned a make-shift bikini in my very, very private backyard and I played in the sprinklers. I gardened under the sprinklers. I sat up my CVS-special lounge chair and I read between forays into the water. I read Joy For Beginners, which was a fast, easy and earthy read. It certainly fit my frame of mind. I got quite a bit of weeding and trimming done and got kissed by the sun in the process.

After Waterworld, I got cleaned up and headed over to the Kimbell to see the most recent exhibit before it closed. As usual, I enjoyed the permanent collection and the space itself more than the traveling exhibition. Still, it was a lovely way to spend the afternoon.

After that, I did a bit more shopping. I bought a new pair of shoes - I'd noticed that my black strappy wedge sandals had given up the ghost. I wore them a lot and with some linen bits, they had gotten worn and very dirty. I didn't actually pick them out - Pebbles bought them for herself, oh, five years ago, I suspect - and for whatever reason, convinced me to buy them off of her. I couldn't find an exact replacement, obviously, but I did find this year's Kenneth Cole (or it was DSW, so perhaps last year's) black strappy wedge sandal for about half the price I paid Pebbles for these, so I'm happy. I also need a replacement for the most comfortable heels in the world that are worn beyond repair - a pair of Hush Puppies (I know, but they look good - but alas, no replacement for them as of yet - they are a dull pewter color, which makes a lovely neutral. The new neutral on all the shelves appears to be a puece-y beige in patent leather. Yuckaroo. Oh well, some replacements will show up.

Tonight is GNO at a new place that opened up. We are celebrating a retirement and a birthday. I hope the new place is decent - this was my month to choose the venue.

Food and exercise was good yesterday, although I did have to have nuts for dinner! I stopped into a place that sells all sorts of Texas-centric food stuffs to get some munchies to smuggle into the bar tonight, and I fell for some nuts. It was witching hour and I was too hungry and I ate too many of them, so that just had to be my dinner. About 8 o'clock, I was cursing the decision to even stop at the store! Ah, well.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Roll with it.

-Roxie

To Ski Or Not To Ski

2011-08-16T06:50:00.000-05:00

I don't know if today's planned adventure is going to happen. I appear to be off of the schedule - my appointment shows up as cancelled and I have been unable to get a response from the company to phone calls, texts or emails. So, I don't know what's up with that - it could be just a miscommunication, as the scheduling calendar was unclear and I did cancel the reservation that I'd accidently made on a lake 50 miles from here. I am hopeful that dawnserly light will bring a resolution. If I don't ski today, well, it's because I wasn't supposed to and I'll have to just let it go at that. I have already taken the day off of work, so I can treat myself in other ways, I suppose. Or I could do chores. Or something. Whatever it is, it will be wonderful.

I'm still trying to figure out a workable solution for a recycling bin(s) in the Tiniest Kitchen In the World. I've got a new strategy in place this week, so we'll see how it works.

Food, exercise, productivity and self-care were all good yesterday and I have a full day of opportunity for it all to be good today. After some consideration and a Homer-like slap upside the head, it has occurred to me that I can keep Cha-Cha for my off-road riding with Talia on our favorite trails AND I can buy a road bike. I'm allowed to have more than one, especially since I already own one of them. Doh! I've been running into more and more road bike cyclists and I think that I would enjoy some more group riding and activities. Having some accountability would do me good. So, if you ride a road bike, what do you ride? Do you like it? Tell me about how one measures for a bike? Can any LBS perform that feat adequately?

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Create A Splash.

-Roxie

Rolling Meditation

2011-08-15T08:43:00.000-05:00

Great, great weekend. The party Saturday night was a ton of fun - lots and lots of stories and laughter. The very best kind of party. Way, way too much food. Next time when I do a potluck for this group, I'll say get with a couple of other attendees and bring one thing. I hate to see so much go to waste.

Sunday morning I got up and went for a twenty miler. I hadn't ridden in a while - with the break in the weather it was nice to get out. This heat has just been unrelenting and really did a number on my motivation. I actually got out and rode a bit this morning, which was nice. I won't be able to get much exercise at anytime this week other than in the morning, so I'm going to try to take advantage of it.

This week promises to be a full week, as I'm taking tomorrow off from work to go on my jet-ski adventure. Since signing up for this deal, I've had some second thoughts - as in "What happens if I fall off of this beast? How will I be able to crawl back on a bobbing, weaving thing?" I guess I will figure all of that out tomorrow, won't I?

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Get Rolling.

-Roxie

The Stories We Hold On To

2011-08-11T05:44:00.002-05:00

A couple of things have happened lately that have got me thinking about "our stories". The stories that we tell and believe about our lives. Not that the stories are wrong, they just no longer may be the whole truth and those stories, or beliefs, may no longer be serving us well.

I was talking to a friend the other day who went through a painful separation and divorce. They were high school sweethearts and had been married for about 26 years. That's been about seven years ago. She was relating to me a story of how she had just ran into their neighbors from eons ago and she told her story about how he had left her. She told them this story while standing in the grocery store. Now I say this with utmost compassion for her pain and I am not trying to minimize it at all. I just wander if she, or any of us, are well-served by continuing to tell our stories in the same old way?

It made me think about the roles we cast for ourselves and especially how we show ourselves to other people. I know that I've been overly tied to my "story" - to being wronged, neglected, over-taxed, etc. It was how I packaged myself. I didn't realize HOW tied I was to my own personal narrative until I was writing for some recovery work and attempted to tell just the events of my life WITHOUT my editorial comment. It was hard for me to do. My explanations for things became as important as the events themselves. The things that happened are true, however, continuing to paint my future with the colors of the past no longer serves me well. It is not a denial, but a letting it go. Of looking at things in a new way, from a new perspective.

I believe we see what we want to see and that our story or narrative is like putting on a pair of glasses that only allows us to see things a certain way. I don't want to find myself saying "this always happens to me" or "just more of the same" - it's a self-perpetuating thing, I think. I believe we bring into being the things we focus on the most. If my focus is that of victim, then all I see is more ways that I am victimized.

Enough with the navel-gazing.

Yesterday was a much more peaceful day. Work is insane - the auditors are crawling all over the place - and I had a conference call that lasted forever, so no time to go to the gym at lunch. I did, however, go outside for a walk. If one stayed in the shade, it was tolerable. Luckily, I was bare-legged in a skirt rather than in full-on business regalia, so that was rather nice. And while my shoes weren't athletic, I was able to comfortably walk about for nearly forty minutes. The mental break was as important as the physical one.

Food was very light yesterday. Wasn't particularly hungry after the prior evening's foodfest.

I'm prepping for the potluck I'm hosting on Saturday night. I still don't have a clue as to whether I will have enough chairs, but there is always floor cushions, right? I'm looking forward to it. I'm also attending a lecture on "quantum physics for dummies". I hope the for dummies part is true, otherwise I shall be very, very lost.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Is there a part of your story that you are ready to let go of?

-Roxie
142

Long Range Planning

2011-08-10T08:08:00.002-05:00

When I said yesterday that I wouldn't call what I am happy, it doesn't mean that I don't experience joy, peace, smiles and laughter on a daily basis. Happiness is rather fleeting, I think. I'm going for that whole contentment and serenity Platinum level.

I'm doing a lot of recovery-based work and it is hard. I won't call it a struggle, but I will say that it can and does become uncomfortable. I'm seeing, perhaps for the first time, things about myself that I'd really like to change, things that don't serve me well. And now I notice when I act on those thoughts, whereas before, I could go just blindly skipping through the Glitterpods and beribboned trees. Not fun. Not happy. But I know that it is the work I need to be doing. The trick is not be beat myself up over these new insights, but to consider them gifts and just do the best I can with them.

Yesterday, was not one of those days. I failed in my actions and I failed in my reaction to my reaction. So today, I get to work through this. I do know that I never learned one good thing from shaming - either internally or externally. I've got to accept where I am and what I am so that I can move forward.

A friend asked me over the weekend if I'd been out on a date yet. I shocked myself be the intensity of my response, "Oh my god, no". The internal dialog was "How could she even ask that? It's still way too soon." But really, the relationship had been dying a slow death for a long time, and if one goes by the usual one-month per year, then I should be well and truly done. And yes, I still love and care about him, but I am done with him.

So the work I'm doing right now has nothing to do with romance or partnership. It has to do with me, by myself, alone in my head and how I feel and how I operate when the focus is where my butt is - on me and not on someone else. Truthfully, anyone else would be a distraction - and I would abandoned this uncomfortableness and seek refuge in what I know best - avoiding uncomfortable feelings and loosing myself into someone else. No, I am trusting the struggle and feel that I am right where I need to be.

I am leaning into the uncomfortableness of it all rather than doing my usual and avoiding it. I think so much of my life has been spent trying to avoid pain and that resistance has led to such angst. From where I'm sitting, the act of avoidance is worst than the pain itself.

I binged last night. Hadn't done that in a long, long time. But it was also done with the "light on", rather than blindly. I could see a sharp connection between what I was feeling about how I'd reacted earlier in the day and my need to DEFLECT myself from thinking about that. And I'd never noticed that before. So again, with the avoidance and running away - and all my usual de-elevators didn't seem to work. I went to the gym. I went to run some errands. I went to the cheapo beauty school and got my hair styled. And then I still returned immediately to my failure from the day. So what's the ultimate punishment? Ding! Ding! Ding! we have a winner.

So today I get to work on acceptance of all things. That progress isn't necessarily linear, but last night's insight was PROGRESS with a Capital P. And I'll take it, however uncomfortable it might be.

This part of the journey is exciting, it really is. Even if uncomfortable. I am where I need to be, doing the work I need to be doing. My past is trailing behind me, with events and actions lighting up like a web of interconnectedness. For example, I tied yesterday's actions to a similar action I'd taken thirty years ago. Uncanny.

I feel like I'm transitioning into some other type of blogger, but don't know that there is a ready genre out there for me to tap into. So for now, I'll just continue on here, but a bit less frequently, perhaps.

I will close with these two pillars of discovery. It seems as though almost every decision I have made in the past forty years involves one or the other.

1. Avoiding pain at all cost
2. Seeking affirmation from external sources

to know this about myself feels like such a gift.

ETA: Replace my post with this. It's much more succinct.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. The journey is the deal.

-Roxie

PIC stolen from Mr. SponsorPants.

Ten Year Anniversary: The gift of Tin

2011-08-09T10:43:00.002-05:00

I have been reading OLJs for a long, long time. Almost since they first began, I guess. I am in no way able to compete with the fabulous, real, funny words written by others. This is for me - gor me to chronicle my thoughts as I move through the remainder of my life. Yep, it is downhill for me. I am 40 years old. I may live to be 80, but for the most part, my life is half over. The really great part of that is I get much more of a choice about what happens in the next 40 plus-or-minus, than I did the previous 40. That is something to be grateful for.

This journal is about making choices, choosing to be happy, choosing to be adventurous, choosing to be brave. And oh, how I hate this word- choosing to be empowered.

Yes, I am freckled and fluffy. The freckles are here to stay and I am working on removing a bit of the fluff. I want to be physically able in years to come to hike the Smoky Mountain portion of the Appalachian trail. I want to trek the Cotswold Way. I want to swim with the rays. I want to ride a zipline in Costa Rica.

That's how I opened ten years ago today. I was 40, Pebbles was getting ready to go away to college and I had just celebrated my tenth wedding anniversary, having been together for 15 years.

In the last ten years, the changes have occurred at an almost exponential rate. Pebbles has graduated, married and is pursuing her career path, with some success. My ex-husband has been married now for eight plus years and is presumably happy. And while I won't call what I am happy, I will say that I am more content in my own skin than I've ever been before.

I am still freckled, but most of the fluff has been replaced with sag ;-). But it's better than the alternative - I'm still here and still looking forward to what each day brings. My life is a lot less frentic. I am a lot less resentful and angry. And I've made some serious mistakes. I've made decisions and choices that I now regret. I have harmed myself and others, but I cannot change what was. All I can do now is learn from those mistakes and move forward.

And there has been a good deal of growth. I'm a much more serene - while I'm certainly not the serenity queen, there are stretches where I am able to stay in the present - not writhing over the past, nor worried about the future. I've come to a greater acceptance of myself, freckles, foibles and all.

I still have a vision for my future - the woman that I hope to become - grounded, earthy, fit and passionate with a willingness to laugh at the slightest provocation. I look forward to a life filed love and laughter.

I'm celebrating by listening to my Hall and Oates station on Pandora.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. The journey is a-mazing.

Thank you for sharing it with me. I am very grateful.

-Roxie
141.5

The Wild Brunch

2011-08-06T04:39:00.001-05:00

It will be a tough weekend to stay on program. I only earned a fiver today, as I didn't exercise. I don't consider it a problem, as Friday is traditionally my rest day. Tomorrow, however, I need to get up and get cracking! I've got to get on the bike early-early to get home and cleaned up and to a meeting at 10am. Then Mom and my sister are coming over and we are traveling to Dallas, as Pebbles and Slater have invited us all over for brunch. Should be fun - if Pebbles and her Grandmother don't get sideways. But that's their deal. I know longer have a whistle and striped shirt.

The on Sunday, Talia and Elmore are coming over and I'm fixing them brunch. They are both following a lower-carb lifestyle these days, so that will be an easy fix. I'm doing an egg striata to be served with herb and cheese stuffed portabella. He's a vegetarian. Plus some fresh berries. Simple, easy and hopefully good. I've spent this evening setting the "table". I still don't have a dining room table, but did buy a folding table from Lowe's, so I've dolled that up. House is clean; menu is set; I think I'm good to go.

Next Saturday night I'm hosting a potluck for some friends. I'm expecting ten to fifteen guests. I don't know how I'm going to seat them all, but I'll worry about that next week.

Ever since I got the blu-ray DVR thingy that streams Netflix, I'd been blowing right past the Pandora option. Tonight I wondered if that really worked. Oh, baby, does it ever. I'm grooving out to the Steely Dan station and it is fourteen kinds of awesome! Don't know why I've not checked this out before now. And it just got better - Southern Cross by Crosby, Stills and Nash just came on. Top five favorite song of mine.

I do hope to get in some of my incentive fund shopping this weekend.

List includes:

terrycloth romper/dress
strapless bra
purse

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Invite people over.

-Roxie

Damages

2011-08-05T06:12:00.001-05:00

It's been a crazy week here at the Collinwood-Smythe House. First off, I was poking around in the fridge like you do and I managed to knock out the deli tray unto the tile floor. Who knew plastic would crack like that? It somehow hit on the corner and knocked a hole in BOTH of the front corners of the clear plastic tray! I'm sure there was some sort of physics involved. The fall also chipped off about half of the lip that serves as the handle. Okay, so no problem I thought - I'll just replace it. It is my goal to not get behind on repairs and replacements around here. Given my tendency to get overwhelmed by things, it serves me best to address each thing as soon as possible. And luckily for me, The Gardner left me wonderful files, including all the information (sales receipt/owner's manual) so I just thought I'd order a replacement. Called the numbers, poked around on the internet and HOLY MOLY - the deli tray is right at a hundred bucks! The whole fridge only cost around 600! I've got a search in on ebay to see if a used one comes up for sale. I'd appreciate any other ideas if you got 'em.

Second weird damage is to MalibuKen. I guess he's going crazy from the heat! I cannot imagine what the interior temps get to in the car. I try to use window screens and crack the windows a bit - but it's the craziest thing - the paint has started to come off of the forward button on the radio. And yes, I'm a button pusher, but I don't think I have actually worn the paint off in less that two years! So now MalibuKen has a bright lime green spot on his dashboard! Plus, his key fob has failed. I went in and had the batteries replaced, but I think the fob is finished. I switched to be the backup fob, but I need to get him to the dealership to see what can be done about the radio - now that is something I look at everytime I crawl in the car. I want to preserve that "new car" vibe for as long as possible.

Now for non-damages. I had a great day yesterday at the workshop. Luckily, they had food that allowed me to make a chicken fajita salad and I had coffee for dessert instead of the choice of chocolate cake or cheesecake. And to make it even better, I knew myself well enough to know that if I came home after the workshop, I would not get any exercise in for the day. So I went back to work and then I went to the gym. So I earned another TEN!

I didn't have the opportunity to spend it - after the gym, I had a meeting to go to and by then I was STARVING! Came home and ate dinner and it was just too hot to get back out. I kept thinking I'd wait until it cooled down some more, but who the hell am I kidding - that will be December! So I futzed around the house, cleaning, mopping and straightening up.

So now, I've got some dollars in the incentive fund - I think I've got twenty or maybe even thirty - I've sort of lost count. I do know that if all else fails in the search for the Housedress, there is a terrycloth romper/coverup dress thing at Walgreen's for 7.99!

There is another item on my to buy list (I actually keep a list of things that I want or need to buy) and that is a purse. While I love the functionality of the purse I bought as a travel purse, it was a cheapy and it's looking pretty ragged. So now my list includes a strapless, a purse and a housedress.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Survey the damages.

-Roxie
141

What Started It All: That First Adventure

2011-08-03T05:45:00.001-05:00

With both Shelley and Ellen kayaking recently, I was reminded of the adventure that started it all for me. I went here and did this.

I had a trip scheduled back to my 20th reunion in the summer of 1999. It was this trip that prompted my final journey to dropping a lot of weight. I began this journey December 17, 1998 at 257. Sometime in the early spring, I ran across these kayak adventures. I wanted to go. No one in my family wanted to go with me. Everyone seemed to poke a lot of fun at my desire to go do this. But I really, really did. And so I started "working out" just a little bit. I went to the gym with some regularity and worked on my upper body strength. I was scared to do this. I had visions of drowning in the stupid thing. Eskimo rolls of death.

When I got to Washington, I tried to recruit the folks there to go with me. No one was interested. Again with the laughing. But I perservered. I went to join this outing as a solo traveler. And what a blessing that turned out to be - I got to paddle with one of the guides! It was an AMAZING experience. I can't seem to put my hand on what few pictures I have of the adventure, but the pictures depicted on the webpage are very true to what I saw. It was an amazing, amazing experience. Both peaceful and exhilerating at the same time. To be able to feel the water being displaced under the kayak as an orca swam under? There is no feeling like it.

It was that experience that started my quest - mostly to be able to DO things as opposed to look a certain way. I am still motivated more by doing an activity that I love doing.

Thanks, ladies, for reminding just how cool kayaking can be!

I did not spend my $10 tonight. I tried, but couldn't find a "housedress" that would work for me for any price. Stein Mart was having a great sale - and I carted around a couple of adorable jackets, but ended up putting them back. So I did get some benefit - I killed some time window shopping. I've got a couple other places in mind to look. Maybe by tomorrow I'll have another day's worth of moolah! I'm looking forward to venturing back into strapless bra territory.

I've had a horrible history with the straplesses. Mostly they ended up as belts. Pebbles tells me the technology has improved. We shall see.

There are some great suggestions for Chicken Names. Tallulah is a personal favorite - Willis child aside. I almost chose that as my net de plume, but didn't. I do think that it needs to be preserved for something really special, however. I'm loving the Shakira, too. The decision will make itself known.

Official temperature yesterday? 111. OMFG - too damned hot. We've now got an office pool going on when we think the streak will end. I foresee the summer of 1980's 42 days going down in flames - or up in flames.

Today promises to be a very stressful day. Lunch will be out of my control at a workshop, so I will have to make extra efforts to continue the streak.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. What adventure speaks to you?

-Roxie

The Incentive Plan

2011-08-03T04:39:00.001-05:00

It's no big secret that I've been struggling with motivation. I have fallen prey to any baked good within a 60 foot radius. My willingness and desire to exercise has left me. So what to do? Well, I've devised a temporary incentive program. And there's no waiting until the end of the week, month, whatever. I need a good DAY ONE followed by a DAY TWO and a DAY THREE. If I can string together three good days, then historically, I ride that wave of feeling in the "zone" when motivation, energy and enthusiasm all combine into the perfect storm of flat-bellied tranquility. But I've been struggling putting together even a couple of days.

So my plan is Money. Filthy Lucre. Each day. $10. Ten bucks to spend on whatever I want for each day that I stay on the Program of my understanding. And for the 24 hours that ended at 5pm yesterday, I had an on program day, so I went back and got my hair styled at the beauty school. Eight bucks.

The reward is almost immediate - the gratification almost instant - I'm using that need/want for instant gratification to jump start me. And yes, it is a bit self-indulgent (but I don't really expect that I will feel the need to spend the $$$ after a few days) but there is an added bonus of choosing to spend the money right after work - less time at home in the evening to snack around! Brilliant, I tell you, Brilliant. Ah, well, time will tell.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. One Day At A Time.

-Roxie

The Funky Chicken

2011-08-02T16:19:00.000-05:00

Shania
Britney
Tiffany
Belinda
Loretta
Brenda
Wynonna
Liza with a Z
Beulah
Betty
Miss Ann
Glory
Cockamaimie
The Cluckinator
Stella
Clotilde
Mr. Clucksalot
Alice
Greta
Marilyn
Bette
Estelle
Cluck Gable
Sheila
Bess

In keeping with the "Beyonce'" theme, I'm leaning towards something in the entertainment field with one-name recognition. Right now, Shania is leading the pack - but I still haven't decided fully. I feel like the name attached to the chicken should be funny, side-dressed with a pinch of irony. I mean, a metal chicken named Britney?

But nothing has been decided - so keep your cards and letters coming!

Got in a good workout yesterday and an even better one today. Food was decent and has been decent today - but I'm just now entering the 'witching' hour.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Do The Funky Chicken.

-Roxie
144.5

The Chicken Chronicles

2011-08-01T07:15:00.001-05:00

It was my crazy-assed sister who left me the chicken-to-be-named-later. I'd passed on that internet post to her when it first came out and since then, we'd been quoting lines to each other - completely out of context and in strange places and would just crack ourselves right up!

It's amazing how many times "That chicken will cut you" can result in peals of laughter.

So when I saw the chicken, I knew from whence it came. It's a damned wonder someone didn't call the cops on her - she and my 74 year old mother were hiding in.the.bushes - at ten o'clock at night! You know, there is a lot of insane in my family and sometimes, it's just fun as hell. And to Shelley, no, it is not my Mom's chicken, Mariah. Mariah is exactly like Beyonce. My chicken is of a much smaller (oh, thank god) variety. But she desperately needs a name.

Any suggestions?

My August is getting off to a smiley start - because really - how could you not smile everytime you look out into the yard and there is The Nameless Chicken and there are NO.SNAKES!

Got a lot done yesterday - felt good and productive - but still no appreciable exercising, except for the yard work. Food was decent - although some brownies got me late in the day. I need to change my habit of doing my grocery shopping on Sunday evening. Due to my schedule, I'm always hungry - and while it is more efficient to shop while I'm already out - it's isn't the best for me - so that schedule needs to change.

My BBM challenge today is to rate my personality. I've got personality +. It runs in the family.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Smile. Right Now.

-Roxie

August Approaching

2011-07-31T06:13:00.001-05:00

August is approaching and it's time for a new "challenge" for me. I'm participating in the Be A Better Me at The Personal Excellence Blog. I don't know what this challenge will bring, but I've done things like this in the past and if I get at least one takeaway, then it is worth the effort.

I also have my own personal challenge for August and that is to smile. If I can put a smile on my face, then that so alters my experiences with the outside world. In my past, while I never felt dour, I usually had a dour, tense expression on my face and I believe it affected my interactions with people. It's funny - I had this thought on Saturday morning before going to a district meeting of a group I belong to - "Today, I will walk in with a smile on my face and I will keep it that way". At the end of the meeting, as we were breaking down the room, a woman whom I have never met said to me "You are just beautiful. I've noticed you throughout the day and you have a gorgeous smile" or words to that effect. It does sound weird to write it down like that, but she wasn't trying to pick me up. It's the smile that does it. Over the past couple of months, I've had people comment or even identify me as "that woman with the great smile". Who knew? I sure as hell didn't. So that is my personal challenge for the month - to keep aware and keep a smile on my face whenever possible.

Got through a decent food day yesterday. Did have an extra-large serving of brownies at lunch, but had a minimal dinner to make up for it, so the calories weren't horribly out of range. The desire to exercise has completely left me for the time being, but I'm chocking that up to being too damned hot. I don't even want to get out into the heat to go to the gym at lunch.

Plans for today include "mowing" the yard, some laundry, and a home mani/pedi. Plus, I've got to think of a name for my metal chicken and find a place for her in the yard. The.back.yard.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Smile.

-Roxie

Chicken Down on Aisle Three!

2011-07-30T03:56:00.004-05:00

First, there was this. It went around the internet in a white hot fashion. I cannot tell you how many times I've read that post and still almost wet myself.

Then late last night, my doorbell rang.

I Am Fascinating

2011-07-29T11:30:00.000-05:00

I Am Fascinating. One of the definitions of fascinating is a strange curiousity. So, yea, if I'm fascinating it might be in a trainwrecky sort of way. I don't regard fascinating as much of a plus, really.

Fascinating too me seems far too exotic, far too out-of-the-ordinary and requires study, to be a desired outcome for me. I'll take interesting and leave fascinating for others.

Still in the duldrums, still processing some grief but have decided rather than try to distract myself from the feelings, that I will feel them, instead. Fear of feelings and the resulting avoidance causes me far more emotional upheaval than the actual feelings themself. So today, I am honoring my feelings. If I feel like crying - then I will take myself home and I will have a good bawl. My historical default position is eating to self-soothe. But maybe I don't need to distract or soothe - maybe I just need to go with it - to lean into it - to feel and process the sadness and fear. And mostly is just fear. It's not really a lack right now - but of a fear that I will lack something in the future. It's all quite strange, I know.

Trying to get back on track with food and exercise. Today, so far, so good. I will go to the gym in 15 minutes. I will cross the threshold. That's all I can promise myself today.

Take care of yourself. Be kind to others. Be fascinated.

-Roxie

I Am Exceptional.

2011-07-27T06:57:00.002-05:00

Well, I am. We all are. Yep, I'm still in a slump - still in the dumps - and it is okay. What differs these days is that my self-esteem is still intact or not deteriorating, anyway . No, I am not particularly happy, but it doesn't mean I am not experiencing joy. So it really is all okay.

In my prior experiences, anything down phase like this would have me serving myself up on a spit with all the things "wrong" with me. If I was only this, if I only had less of this or more of that, then things would be perfect. I took out whatever feeling I had on myself. All the less-than positive feelings I had were directly and punishingly targeted at myself. Today, not so much. These feelings that I am processing now, while they are far from pleasant, haven't been chipping away at the generally positive feeling I have about me. Trust me when I say that is a MAJOR milestone for me. Major. I don't feel like I'm a victim. I'm not playing the role of martyr. I am just processing some losses - both recent and not-so-recent. And there will be days like this. So, yes, I am exceptional. As are you. This isn't a zero-sum game. There is room for everyone to feel good about themselves. For me, that was a choice to make and a habit to break.

Bossman made it through surgery, so I've been told. I will make a trip to the hospital to see him today - and bring my usual stash of magazines, rather than flowers. He will remain hospitalized until Saturday, as it stands now.

Went to the beauty school last night for a semi-perm color and style - no more Brazilians of any kind for me ;-). Darling, sweet stylist, but I was in that chair for THREE hours. At one point, having been up since a pinch after 4 am, I do believe I fell asleep. But the hair looks nice and my pristine white bathroom doesn't look like the shower scene from Psycho, so I guess it was worth it.

I did manage the elliptical at lunch but my cheap-ass nature bit me on the too-big ass last night. Before going to the salon, I ran by the grocery store after work to pick up some Diet Coke - and if you bought 4 12packs (which was the only way they were affordable at this store) you got a free package of Oreos. Oh, I thought, I'll take those in to the office tomorrow after having a couple just to tide me over until I get my hair did. Well, we all know how that turned out. Too many cookies - which I guess was okay, as they turned out to be my dinner because it was well after nine before I got home. Had I been totally without food, I would have gnawed my stylist's head off and probably her arm, too! Needless to say, there was an Oreo funeral. Into the trash they went. And after such a clean day, too! Ah, well. They are just calories, right?

Today will bring a visit to a bookstore for some mags, a trip to the hospital to see the Bossman, a meeting and preparation for tomorrow. The MerryWidow/Newlywed is retiring tomorrow, and I have been asked to give a speech, so I need to get cracking on that.

ETA: Blogger apparently hates me and refuses to let me leave comments about 80 percent of the time. I am not ignoring you. GAH!

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. You are exceptional and everyone knows it.

-Roxie

I Am Enthusiastic.

2011-07-26T07:17:00.001-05:00

Unless my personal perception is way off, I am enthusiastic. I am pretty much up for anything and tend to stay positive. No, not in that "cheerleader-y" way - less obvious than that - but I'm pretty much known for being game for almost anything and excited about the possibilities.

I wasn't always that way - my judgmental nature kept me sitting in, well, judgment over a lot of things. So enthusiastic has become a life choice. I have the good fortune, I guess we'll call it - of working with several Negative Nancys. And boy does that get tiring! I was able to see these tendencies in myself - always seeing the negative, choosing to be drug kicking and screaming and pronouncing into the next thing. Choosing to be enthusiastic is just much easier and more pleasant. Giving up my superior attitude surrounding such things - especially in my work life - has been another game changer.

So while I'm no Pollyanna, I am generally enthusiastic. It's a choice I choose to make. Which, given my recent downer posts, seems at odds, but not all progress is linear :-)

Been doing a lot of work on the "stuff" that's come up recently. It's never a waste to do the work - there is always something that comes of it. There are times where I feel pretty silly and stupid to have to be processing more of the childhood stuff at my advanced age, but it does amaze me the number of things I've hung onto for years and without the examination, would continue to drag with me as I trudge through the decades. It is what it is and I'm doing my best to make peace with it, with me.

While I won't call it a binge, exactly, I did over-eat by a long shot yesterday and I did it with stuff from the vending machine that wasn't even good. So today? The purse and the money stays in the trunk of the car. This won't be a forever solution, but for right now, I'm pretty vulnerable and I will protect myself from myself. No need to make unpleasantness worse, you know? I've got my food and beverage packed for the day. I will get to the gym and then tonight, I'm getting my hair colored and a blow-out at the local beauty school. I shudder at the thought of getting hair dye all over my pretty white bathroom or on my concrete countertops in the kitchen. So we'll give this a shot. I've had the blow out before, but not the color.

So that's the news that's fit to print. Not particularly enthusiastic - except it really is. I am acknowledging that I'm dealing with some stuff right now and I am enthusiastically looking forward to living in today, to see what today will bring. As Dana showed us yesterday, each day can bring new and wonderful things. I just need to be present to enthusiastically enjoy it.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Be enthusiastic.

And I will get to the gym today.

I Am Energetic!!!!

2011-07-24T21:28:00.001-05:00

I am energetic! While I don't feel particularly energetic TODAY, I am energetic. And certainly much more so than I once was. I was a divan pomme de terre, extraordinaire! I am still built for comfort, not for speed, but I can get all Energizer-Bunny like.

My mid-thirties were probably the worst time of my life - anxiety/depression/obesity was at it's worst and I would come home from work on Friday and rarely get out of bed again until I had to go to work on Monday. The person who lived like that seems very far removed from who I am now (although the idea of a weekend of sleep sounds like heaven! - but not under those circumstances).

My discomfort continued through Sunday morning. It was not my best weekend and I'm assuming it was a perfect storm of things - hormonal, being number one, I can only assume - given how emotional/hungry/agitated/teary I was. Yep, spent some time in tears this weekend. Don't know what it is about me, but I tend to do my crying in the car. Luckily for me, my commute from work is a short one, so my tears are usually short-lived. But I dug up some bones this weekend in the form of removing pictures, etc. from FB - unconnected to the whole family incident. Being surprised by running across of picture of Bick and I together can still feel like a gut-punch when I'm not expecting it, so it was time to move those things to a more deliberate location - a task I'd been avoiding. I was up in his county this weekend for a birthday party and had to remind myself of the many times I'd returned to Fort Worth in tears over the relationship. It's sometimes easy to forget how things really were. The memory gets a bit foggy. I also read something that I thought was important when dealing with sadness or grief and that is not to define one's self with that feeling. Rather than saying "I am sad", say " I feel sadness move through me or I am processing sadness". It frames it in a way both acknowledges the feeling, but also acknowledges (reminds me) of the transitory nature of feelings. As the bumper sticker says "Don't believe everything you feel". Or another favorite thing from the weekend - the difference between a bad day and a good day is usually a day.

Slept poorly again Saturday night, so I didn't feel like riding on Sunday morning, as had been my plan. Instead, I walked over to the public gardens and walked all through the gardens, up and down the steps multiple times and generally communed with nature before it got too hot. Lovely, lovely way to spend a morning. I shall go back soon with coffee and breakfast in tow. It's too pretty a place to stay away from.

Had Mom and Sister over for lunch and we had a wonderful meal and a nice visit. I managed to keep my mouth shut and my opinions to myself - which keeps me a happier, more serene camper.

On a completely unrelated note, I have started taking krill tablets as a supplement today. I shall try them for 30 days to see if my bloodwork improves. My cholesterol numbers aren't where I would like them to be.

And in other really crappy news, my beloved boss was diagnosed with colon cancer. He is scheduled for surgery on Tuesday. They feel like they caught it early and he should make a full and complete recovery without the need for chemo or radiation. I would crawl across broken glass for this man, so this is very distressing.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Keep going and going and going.

-Roxie

I Am Dynamic

2011-07-23T09:51:00.000-05:00

I don't feel very dynamic, especially today. I am staying close to the house today, as I am feeling rather fragile. Not physically, but emotionally. Yesterday took me where I could have never imagined when I started the day. It's not a bad thing, actually, it was just a thing. A thing that brought up BIG FEELINGS and so I spent most of the day dealing with, sorting through and trying to figure out why my part in all of this is/was.

Thanks to the wonders of technology, decades old family secrets splattered on Facebook yesterday. Part of it is funny in a really ironic sort of way and part of it is painful - or has been in the past. So I got to take that all back out and re-examine it with some tools/recovery in place. I got to think about it, write about it, meditate on it, not sleep because of it and accept that what happened, just happened. It didn't happen "at me". It just was. It was because of a series of mistakes and misjudgments made by human beings. The same kind of M and M's that I have made. No malicious intent, but that doesn't mean there wasn't collateral damage.

Sorting through forty plus years of flotsam leaves one pretty tired, but there were some bright spots. There was some honesty displayed. Things that were "not talked about" were talked about. Halos got a bit tarnished yesterday. And I got to re-examine some resentments that I'd been carrying for a long time - mis-directed, I might add. I'm sure this isn't the last time I'll get to go "there" as I imagine the fall-out hasn't had time to hit the more Luddite-ish family members - the older folks who were all direct witnesses. It will be interesting to see what happens. No, actually, it won't. I don't want to be a node on that particular grapevine. At this point, it probably just qualifies as gossip, I suppose. But if it's gossiped about, then I guess the secret does lose it's power.

I'm feeling rather like the day-after-the-migraine - where your head doesn't hurt, exactly, but there's some sort of hole where the pain used to be.

I'm off to take a nap, I think. Then I will begin preparations for attending a BBQ in the neighboring county. I only know the hosts and none of the other guests, but I will at least go and have a burger. I will introduce myself to others, practice making eye contact and listening to what they have to say. It's all good practice.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Sometimes you just need to feel your feelings.

-Roxie

I Am Distinct

2011-07-21T06:30:00.010-05:00

Distinct? Do they mean distinctive? Because obviously, I am distinct - at least in the physical, scientific sense. I have a shape and a form and it is me. However, if I think of this in the recovery sense, being distinct was not always a concept that I understood. While I've always been distinct in form, I've not always been distinct in action. It's that pesky old boundaries thing again - and knowing where I ended and other's began.

Before getting some therapy/counseling/recovery, I had no idea what boundaries were. Absolutely none. Mine weren't honored and I honored no one's. I quite literally didn't know and because I need things to be simple and easy, it wasn't until I heard, probably from someone on the internet - "not my pig". I could understand "not my pig". As I was raised an ag kid, I could understand that concept. "It's not my pig; not my farm; not my pig farm." And to the chagrin of those around me, that became my saying. And I still say it today "not my pig" - which is shorthand for -it is not my problem; it is none of my business, and I won't cross your fences to get to your pig.

Beginning to learn and enforce boundaries has been the single most important thing in my road to changing my life for the better. When there were no boundaries in place, I ran amok, doing things for people that they were capable of doing for themselves. I felt both resentful and overwhelmed (anxious) and I turned all that stuff inward. Resigning from my position of Ms. Universally Responsible has been the greatest gift I've ever given to me.

Food has been appropriate. Exercise has been there, but not great.

Water bill came in and I am relieved. It was more than the electric bill, but still far less than the horror stories I've been hearing from others. I now know that I can keep things alive, even through a heat wave and still afford to eat.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Mind your own pigs.

-Roxie
141.5

I Am Determined.

2011-07-20T09:55:00.000-05:00

I am determined. Now this one is interesting. I don't know that I am determined anymore. Oh, I've been that in the past - jaw-clenched, white-knuckled, scorched-earth, steel-spined determined. I'm no longer convinced that going through life with that mindset works for me.

I have been determined in the past, and experienced some "success" with it, but somehow, now, it feels so brittle and harsh - at least in the way I chose to apply it. I suppose I took things to the extreme and it became grim determination, rather than the more fluid intention. For me, moving from teeth-gritting determination to a softer, gentler kind of self-care takes things from practicing perfectionism into practicing progress. Putting down General Patton's riding crop, metaphorically speaking, has been one of the best things I've ever done for myself. Determination kept me in the future, while intention keeps me in today.

Food has been good. Exercise has been okay. Self-care - doing the things that are good for me - has been good. I've been reading and writing and getting a few things done around the house. In a deliberate and meditative fashion.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Be determined to be self-loving.

-Roxie
142.5

I am Dependable

2011-07-19T14:19:00.001-05:00

(picking up on a series I started months ago)

Dependable. As boring as it sounds, yes, I am dependable. People can depend upon me. I am doing a much better job to make sure that they don't do so inappropriately.

This post is also dependably boring. Nothing much shaking around here. It's hot. It will be hot tomorrow. And the day after, and the day after.

I am going to be a little more scarce around these parts. I'm giving up my morning internet time in favor of more productive pursuits in the early hours of the day. I start out with the intention of "checking me email" first thing in the morning, which is stupid, unless I have a whole cadre of friends from the other side of the world furiously sending me important email. Which I decidedly do not. This will be a difficult habit to break, but morning is my best time and I need to spend it in the ways that make me most happy, healthy and productive.

Gym at lunch. Started on the elliptical, but in order to preserve my sanity, I moved to a treadmill to escape two young women discussing the drama of their life (get a blog! don't bore people in 3-D ;-)).

Tonight is some more housework and perhaps a trip to the track in the late evening.

Food has been good. Exercise decent. No big complaints there. A bit of post vacation let down, I suppose, but I will perk up. I am grateful for a good night's sleep last night. A couple more of those and I shall be right as rain.

Netflix: Walking and Talking - indie comedy. Keener is a fav of mine.

Reading: Don't You Forget About Me
- almost done. Not Great Literature, but an okay read.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Strike while the iron is hot.

-Roxie
142.5

Lost In Space

2011-07-18T07:16:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty much settled in, here at the Collinwood-Smythe House. I'm still amazed at how well suited this house is for me. I couldn't have built one from scratch that suited my needs any better. My electric bill last month? $70 and my gas bill was $13. Less than The Closet. Of course, my water bill is gonna kick my butt - but I haven't had to do a lot of horrible, manual labor around here to keep things up, either, so it's all time or money. And right now, it will be money in the form of water. And there is a slight chance that I might be awfulizing ;-).

Weekend was nice. I got many small things done. I did the "mowing" and my laundry. I still haven't purchased a dryer - so I'm using the too-small-garage as a clothes drying station. I'll remedy that as soon as it gets to be a PITA to deal with things the other way.

That's the really good stuff. Now for the stuff that didn't make it here or has been lost. Universe, I'd like these things back.

1. My bike water bottle. I had a really nice water bottle for Cha-Cha. I don't know what the hell happened to it. It's gone. I've looked high and low and around here, that's not that many places. Just gone. I supposed it could have fallen out of the cage, but that's highly unlikely.

2. My cuff bracelet. This one is even a greater mystery. I do not wear jewelry that much. Hell, I don't own much jewelry. I have TWO pair of earrings. One that I wear constantly - the pair that my sister calls "The 80's called and it wants it's earrings back" small gold shrimpy loopy things and the pair of crystal earrings that I won when Janell was de-exing that I wear for special. Back to the cuff - now I do love me some cuff bracelets and I do have about three of these, but this one was the bracelet I bought in the best resale shop in the whole world in Princeton, New Jersey. It was such an unusual thing and I had no reason to believe that it wasn't in the jewelry case, until I went to get it to wear the other day. Not there. And I don't have a clue where it went, but I LOVE it and want it back.

Food, exercise and self-care has been very good. Sleep, however, is doing yet another weird thing. So I'm not getting much of it this past week because the queen of nightsweats is now getting COLD at night. I keep bumping up the thermostat and I still keep waking up cold - not clammy cold, just cold. And then it's a wicked bitch to get back to sleep.

This week promises to be a busy one. I have events/meetings every night this week. My next totally free day is Sunday.

Photo: Random photo of a Tshirt I took for Helen back in the spring.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Reclaim your stuff.

-Roxie
142.5

Slow Ride

2011-07-16T08:27:00.001-05:00

Photo is of St. Paul's Something Church in Sackville, New Brunswick. Beautiful, beautiful college town.

Back in from a short and frustrating ride. I was probably dehydrated a bit to start, had no legs and Cha-Cha has a low tire and sounds like Fred Sanford's truck these days. It's time for some Zen and the Art of Bicycle Maintenance, I think. I have found a LBS that I like, so I think after I get home from a meeting, I'll load her up and get her tuned up. I may, just may, talk to them a bit about a couple of things - an upgrade - although I am not in the market yet. I just haven't reestablished my habit enough to justify a new bike. And secondly, I think it may time to try to find a bike club where I would fit in. Talia is in the process of moving her 85+ year old parents to her property to better care for them, so our riding time will be cut even further. I just need to get some more accountability for exercise.

A did do a scary thing this morning - I rode over the bridge that crosses the freeway! I decided to take a chance on the high-traffic short-cut from the trail to my house - figuring that early one Saturday morning would be a lot safer than a weekday. It would be this path that I would take if ever I chose to ride to work. And it was an informative route. I did find some ways to snake through all but one of the worst/perceived least safe riding areas, so it is doable. And on my way back, I saw a cyclist headed the other way, and I've seen them before, so I assume most make this shortcut.

Also on tap for today, returning some clothes I purchased at Ross' the other night. I'm still on the hunt for an appropriate "house dress" and made another purchse, but it is both "too much" and "not enough". So back it goes. I also bought a really nice skirt/suit set, but when I put it on, it looked way too "Mother of The Groom", so back it goes. I bought another work-appropriate pants suit, but I don't like how the fabric feels, so back it goes. I am keeping one work pants suit that will go three season around here - but it was a battle. As Shelley mentioned in her recent post, fat fashion phobias die hard.

The jacket has a lot of detail - think military/jungle fatigue look - four patch pockets - 2 up and 2 lower. Too much detail violates the "simple is slimming" rule that I've harbored for so long. And while "simple IS slimming", it isn't a requirement. So I am keeping this one, as I only have one other real work suit, and it's my "funeral" suit.

Better get cracking, now that my plans have changed. I may try to find some time to hit the outdoor pool at the gym today. Or not.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Take care of your maintenance.

-Roxie
144

Bird Bath

2011-07-15T10:08:00.003-05:00

This morning I sat and watched the birds playing in the sprinklers. It is so hot and I know that all the animals must be suffering. Yesterday, the squirrels were playing in the sprinklers - about four of them. While I have no love for the fuzzy vermin, I hate the thought of them being without water. The Previous Owner had a multitude of bird baths but evidently took them with her or gave them away. It hadn't really dawned on me until I was sitting in the den, in the "Three's Company" chair looking out the window, that the fauna in the neighborhood had probably grown to depend upon my backyard as a water source. I did set out a vessel with water, but I probably need to investigate some other options. Being able to sit and watch the wide variety of birds that come into the back yard is a gift that I'd like to continue receiving.

So I bit on yesterday's Groupon: a two hour yet ski ride on a local lake. It's on a jet ski built for three, but I think I just might make this adventure solo. I think an early morning run around the lake would be a blast!

Last night's Netflix: Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead
. I quite liked this.

So back to vacation: From the beautiful lakeshores of Baddeck, we traveled off of Cape Breton to Antigonish, where the Highland Games were just kicking off. I have to take a moment to say that it has been my experience that the service level one receives in a restaurants are bound by the geographical norms. What is perfectly acceptable and normal in some parts of the country wouldn't fly in others. The dinner service (and the food) in Antigonish was the worst I'd come across. We missed most of the opening ceremonies, as our waitress/kitchen was SO slow. But we made it anyway - what a grand evening - there were pipers, and Gaelic choirs and step dancing and men in kilts ;-). All in all, a glorious evening. And I did opt out of the late night entertainment. Talia and her husband found the temporary pub set up and stayed out until past 1 am! They had a great time - and told me that I had really missed out. That The Piper with whom I'd had an interaction earlier in the evening was there, along with his mates. Ah, well.

My camera batteries were pretty delicate at this time, so I got very few pictures of the goings on at Antigonish. We stayed at this lovely B&B/Inn. The service was quite nice and my little attic room was beautiful - the pictures do not do it justice. Of course, I'm a sucker for those roof lines! We had a wonderful breakfast and watched the parade from the dining room, as it had started to really rain. The first bad weather in our entire trip. We had planned to see more of The Games - we all wanted to see the men in kilts running jumping and climbing trees or throwing heavy things - and the actually band competition, but didn't want to wade through the rain and the mud to do so, so we set our sites on Halifax. Which effectively ends our travelogue. Great trip. Wonderful friends. A nice blend of travel and vacation.

My plans for today include a workout at lunch, followed by a dip in the pool at the gym (I brought my suit today) and a meeting tonight, which may or may not include dinner with a friend afterwards. Tomorrow, I think I'll get up early and hit the trail on Cha-Cha before it gets too hot. I'm shooting for a couple hour ride. And then I need to do some yardwork, but given the temperatures, that will probably be handled in fifteen minute chunks.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Get wet.

-Roxie
145

Queen of The Mountain! No, Queen of The World!

2011-07-14T13:36:00.000-05:00

After leaving the poet's house, we traveled to Cape Breton and spent a glorious afternoon on the grounds at the distillery. We took the tour and had a fabulous dinner out on the patio. We started with the smoked salmon tapas plate, I followed with the spinach salad (with the blue cheese that I'd fallen in love with) and I don't remember what I had as an entree - I think it was the seafood chowder. I do know that I finished with a much-too-large bread pudding. It is that bread pudding you see giggling around in my "Titanic" pose above - in the photo taken the next day.

After a wonderful night in one of the distillery's chalets, we left for a scenic trip to the Bras d'Or Lake region. We arrived in Baddeck just in time for a wonderful lunch of yet another spinach salad and steamed mussels. We had enough time to tour the Alexander Graham Bell museum before our sailing excursion was set to begin. As far as beauty goes, this was probably the most gorgeous place that we saw. The weather was beautiful and Baddeck is a lovely, lakeside town.

Our sailing vessel
was beautiful and the tour was very, very interesting. Very laid back and calm. That is really how I would describe the entire vacation - laid-back and calm. Truly wonderful.

Next stop: Antigonish and The Piper

Meanwhile, I just returned from the best non-bike workout I've had in ages. I just hadn't felt much like pushing myself and that wasn't my intention today, either. But I happened across the Tour and ended up climbing the mountains with the cyclists. I was on the elliptical and didn't realize that I was trying to keep pace until I looked down and saw my heart rate! After I conquered the Pyrenees, I switched over to some VH1 Classic and finished with some rocking Mellencamp.

I'm still not in set-it-and-forget-mode with food yet, but it does appeared to be worse at certain times of the day. First challenge is around 10:30-11:00 am when I'm already thinking about my lunch. Truthfully, that's why I haven't been as faithful about going to the gym is that I wanted to stay at my desk and eat my lunch rather than waiting until returning from the gym at 1! The second time is about 3:30-5:00. Not much to do about this, as I am not good at "holding" snacks until this time. I will just eat them at lunch. My solution for the near future is to try to schedule my actual meetings in these timeslots, when I have an opportunity. Why not let my hectic meeting schedule work FOR me?

I've got a meeting tonight and I do need to do a bit of housework, plus watering, off course. Nothing else on tap for the next few days. Trying to decide if I need to change it, or just wait to see what happens.

Recently watched Netflix: Brief Interviews With Hideous Men 2.75 stars, however I choose not to be so cynical about men, or even humans, in general

Currently reading: Water for Elephants On page 292. I don't love it as much as those who recommended it to me.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Be the Queen of your own world.

-Roxie
144.5

Meanwhile: Trifling Truffles

2011-07-13T04:51:00.000-05:00

Walked in the morning. Did the elliptical at lunch. Food was good until the dreaded Office Party. This celebration started out to be healthy - a breakfast yogurt bar. But due to some scheduling conflicts, it changed into an afternoon yogurt parfait/ice cream sundae bar. Cause it's damned hot around here. 87 degrees at 4:18 am. Ain't no way to live. Anyhow, I was doing the prep work - had already accounted for my planned yogurt and berry treat. And as I opened a bag of truffles, Oh my goodness. I wanted to dive in face first and I suppose I did. I ate enough truffles, calorie wise, to be my dinner. And so they were. I did have a small snack later in the evening - some cucumber canapes, but I did keep myself busy and out of the kitchen.

I took myself shopping for a baby gift for a friend and for a "house dress" for me. Something that I can just slip on first thing in the morning and parade around outside before work without alarming the neighbors (and something that looks decent without a bra). I didn't feel like trying it at the store, but I brought it home and it isn't right. Too low cut, so back it goes.

I had a late night visit from Jimmie Dale last night - the first time since my return. I was battening down the hatches when I saw her lying on the front walk. I guess the sidewalk was cool, as I'd been watering the front area. We had a nice little getting to know you again meeting. I took a couple of melatonin and went to bed. Didn't help. Still awake at 3:30 for the second night in a row. Lack of sleep makes maintaining anything close to a normal life an extra challenge.

I'm about ready to put on my walking gear so that I can hit it when it gets light. I will try to get in a workout at lunch and I've got nothing else on tap, at all.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Don't trifle with truffles.

-Roxie
145

0neArt - Midtrip

2011-07-12T22:21:00.000-05:00

One Art
The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.
-- 3lizabeth Bish0p

I stayed in the above's childhood home. It was an 165 year old house - cobbled together over several lifetimes, as time and money allowed. The rooms were small and warren-like, but very charming. This retreat has been owned by the "consortium" as a retreat since 2004. Prior to that it was home to a distant family member of said poet for over 50 years. The stairs were the narrowest and the steepest I'd ever encountered. Unfortunately, I did not take a single picture of the place. It was not grand, nor fancy, nor museum-like in any way - but it did feel homey and comfortable.

The whole experience there was interesting. Talia's co-consortia member is an independent scholar. I heard someone describe her as "making a living out of air". She is very well educated and absolutely devoted to "the cause" - of furthering the mission of the poet and her works. She was recently interviewed on the Canadian equivalent of the BBC about her work and recent book - a biography of sorts of the poet. Of which, I now have a copy. Prior to the trip, I'd also read a good deal of the poet's work (she was not prolific) and it was very interesting to put the actual place to the work. I actually had the option of sleeping in HER room, but chose the larger bed :-) But anyway, I was intrigued to view a woman of my approximate age, who eschewed all of what is considered normal for women, to devote herself to her calling. Of course, it was not the life for me, but I do admire her dedication and her ability to do this for quite literally years.

I fell ill on this trip - wicked allergy attack at the end of my first full day in Halifax that quickly morphed into something upper respiratory. Luckily, the meds and laws are different in Canada, so I popped into a pharmacy, spoke with a pharmacist and he recommended something that got me back on track after a couple of days. Talia's husband teased me that because during my first walk through the very gorgeous Public Gardens, that I'd stuck my nose into every flower in the place, and he's close to being right. So for the next couple of days, I didn't participate in a full day's activities - I'd opted out of some of the evenings and stayed at home and read. One of the poet's fans is also an author and left this book in the library.

I quite enjoyed the book, which was set in Nova Scotia and I read it during my "down time". There were some similarities between the themes in the book and those in the poet's own life (not the author's). Highly recommend.

Our late evenings consisted of sitting around the kitchen table, noshing on various local foods. The strawberries were in season and one day we went to a working farm, where this is produced. That Damned Dutchman produces some damned fine cheese. We chased down more of this - it appeared on some menus in Halifax! Great stuff. I'd love a bit of it now. Blue gouda. Yummy. Oh, and ketchup flavored potato chips! Who knew? Oh, and I also tried and loved - dulce. Who knew?

The time at the house was leisurely - with daily visits to the bay, being either "at home" or "away". If the tide is out, it is said that the Bay of Fundy is away. Away is big in Nova Scotia - The Piper asked if I was "from away".

Meanwhile, Back At The Ranch

2011-07-12T11:25:00.000-05:00

Meanwhile, life after vacation goes on. I arrived home on Sunday and spent the rest of the day getting settled in. My sister did a wonderful job of watering the place in this horrid heatwave, so everything survived. I haven't seen Jimmie Dale Gilmore since I returned, but I have to assume she is hanging out and staying cool. It is very damned hot and dry here. I shudder to think of what my water bill will be. I did get my first full electric bill and am happy to report that the CSH appears to be quite efficient - of course, this was pre-heat wave.

There were some downsides to the vacation. Talia and her hubby really like to eat - not that there is anything wrong with that - hell, I like to eat, too. Far.too.much. Far.too.often. I did okay the first couple of days, as I got a lot of exercise, but the mid-trip was a face-plant into a pile of either 1. baked goodies or 2. fried stuff. There was a run there where every meal included some form of fried potatoes. After an especially bad day of over-indulgence (day 5, I believe), I just had to cut back, hard. And so I did. I managed a Friday, Saturday and Sunday of "clean" eating, but I am still struggling with quantities.

It is almost like my mind has settled on food to obsess about, now that other things are less in the forefront. As I was pondering this last night, it ocurred to me that I've never been in exactly this position before. I don't really know how to live with just me. I mean, it's exciting, but it's a little strange, too. It's like I don't really know what to do with myself now that I've given up worrying/obsessing about others? As I try to give up "control" of others and let everyone else live without my interference, what do with all this space left in my head?

I feel fortunate not to be experiencing any yearnings to be in a relationship of any sort. I have the opportunity and the skills to create and live a very fulfilling life - no without people, but certainly sans any romantic connection.

I do have an issue with exercise motivation right now and accountability. Not that I was ever accountable to Bick, per se, but at the end of the day, it was always part of the convo - "I did x miles, I went to this class, I did that thing" and I seem to be floundering a bit in that department. I did get up and walk this morning, just as a way to try to re-establish the habit and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I just need to remember that tomorrow.

And I don't talk a lot about weight around here, as my worth and happiness cannot be determined by the scale. That being said, I am moving in a direction that does not make me any happier, so I will attempt to deal with whatever is driving me to want to eat all the damned time.

I am six pounds over my redline and eight pounds over my high mark. And I need to address this using the tools that I have, while not letting the scale numbers determine my day.

So those are the thoughts that are clanging about in my noggin.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Adjustments, not admonishments.

-Roxie
146

Halifax, Nova Scotia

2011-07-11T22:05:00.000-05:00

So I did the sidecar tour and it was fabulous! The weather was grand and the guide, Vickie, was very knowledgeable about both the city and the machinery! I felt very safe. And the deal with the sidecar is that they make everyone happy. I had more people wave at me - it was just grand. I am so glad that I did it. It was a 2.5 hour private, interactive tour and history lesson and I loved every second of it. My boss always recommends a hop-0n-hop-off tour as a first stop in a new city to get the lay of the land, so to speak. This introduction served me well. Vickie is a radio newscaster for 24 syndicated radio stations and this is her new side business. I got background and history and the opportunity to ask questions - I can't imagine a more thorough
indoctrination.

The rest of the day included walks through the Public Gardens, up the Citadel, down to the harbor and through the maritime museum. I know I had fresh strawberries from the farmer's market for lunch, but I do not remember what I had for dinner, nor where we ate that night. Oh, yea, it was someplace down at the wharfside. First night dinner was fish and chips at a pub after our late arrival into Halifax.

The dorm experience proved interesting. I didn't expect the dorms to be quite so "retro", but they were clean, functional, quiet and well-located. Oh, and did I mention cheap? So two nights of that - with the bath down the hall :-)

So that's basically arrival and my one full day in Halifax. Oh, and the Queen Mary 2 was in dock, so there were cruise people swarming the harbor. And it's McLobster time!

Next Stop: Great Village. And the poet's house.

Forever Plaid

2011-07-11T06:07:00.000-05:00

I'm home. It was a wonderful, relaxing trip. I saw a great many sights and enjoyed all of them. I read three books. I learned a great deal about a part of North America that I knew very little about. In addition to Nova Scotia, we snuck in some New Brunswick, too. And on Friday night, I got to hear a bunch of bagpipes, as we attended the 1ongest running Highland Games outside of Scotland (148 years, I'm told). I am decidedly in the bagpipe camp. And that was even before one in this trio began to flirt with me! (so I had to be told).

There will be more pictures and more stories, but let me just say that this is what vacations are supposed to be. Apologizing to Pebbles yesterday for my lack of communication, she said "No worries, Mom. I knew you must be having a great time - you weren't calling to vent!" And she's right, the three of us got along very well - I never turned on the iPod one time.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Travel.

-Roxie

Inspiration: For Those Who Believe in Taking Things Slow

2011-07-05T12:30:00.000-05:00

I.LOVE.TED

Something To Ponder

2011-07-03T12:27:00.001-05:00

Something to think about while I'm away.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others.

One Fat Lady

2011-07-01T06:01:00.002-05:00

I don't know if I can make it work with everyone's schedule, but I am going to do my damndest to take this tour in Halifax. Doesn't it look like a total scream? It probably won't be possible given the short notice (I just found it) and I'm sure the weekends are pretty busy, but I will give it a shot - if it works with my companion's schedule. Perhaps I'll opt out of dinner or somesuch - in any event, if I manage to do this, I'll get pictures! Woo Hoo! I'm so excited about it all.

Talia and her husband (what the hell did I name him? My word association synapse is failing me this morning) will be by to pick me up tomorrow morning to head out for our adventure in cool.

This will be the first time I've ever traveled without being the one with the travel folder, the plan AND the (self-imposed) responsibility to make sure everyone is happy. We shall see how much I like not being in control. hmmm.

I'm packed, got the iPOD loaded (I had decided to go with Meg's recommendation on Beck's Finding your Own North Star but it was not available in audibook format) with Cammy's suggestion of Beck's The Joy Diet. Plus some Wait, Wait podcasts, as well as The Splendid Table. So I should be good to go. Since we are so mobile this trip - hopscotching over the province, we are all packing light - a carry-on. I think I've got it mostly covered and there will be stores in case I don't.

Food has been very good this week, but my body is refusing to cooperate. Sleep has been less-than-stellar, but again, that will change. This, too, shall pass, as they say.

Results for June: C-. I did pretty good about being "present", but I didn't fare as well with the exercise. I logged my food for 26 days and I exercised on 17 days. Ah, well, onward.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Play nice while I'm gone.

Loving this link: TED

-Roxie
143.5

These Things Are Making Me Happy Today

2011-06-29T09:52:00.000-05:00

1. 40 minute bike ride this morning through the neighborhood.

2. Coffee on the front porch this morning with Jimmie Dale Gilmore, who was waiting for me when I got home from my spin on Cha-Cha.

3. Red birds in my back yard.

4. Eric Clapton's guitar work on Layla.

5. Opportunity to spend some time with my sister tonight.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Look for the things that make you happy.

-Roxie
143

I'll Have What She's Having

2011-06-28T15:20:00.000-05:00

The past couple of weeks have been very educational for me. I can feel a shift in my thinking taking place. Even a small change causes a shift in my trajectory, my path and I feel like I need to re-visit and rethink my vision for what I want my life to be.

Turns out, even as smart as I think
I am, I'm not so smart at all. I forget things. I make things too complicated. I get all wrapped up and lost in the minutia. I need things to be simple. With simple, I stand a chance of remembering my truths when faced with, horror horrors, feeling an actual feeling, rather than avoiding or dreading it. Because I can be so feeble-minded, slogans and visions are helpful to me. So I'm working on a renewed vision and recently, I had a glimpse of a part of what I'd like my future to hold.

I was invited to a birthday party given by a friend of mine for two celebrants - one I knew and one I didn't. There were about a dozen of us gathered at CJ's. There was just an energy about CJ, her home and her guests that was at once both strong and calming. I want more of that in my life. As a matter of fact, I'll be hosting the next gathering in August, per the group's request. I want a life and a home that provides that kind of vibe to me and to others.

I also want to continue this path of deliberate-ness, for lack of a better name. I'm trying to give up multi-tasking. I want to be present and aware of each action that I am taking instead of just flying through my days, always waiting and wanting the "next" thing. Being deliberate, even with mundane tasks like washing dishes or folding laundry, seems to keep me centered and grounded and almost allows me to slow down time. It allows me to be present.

I'll continue to live a healthful lifestyle and not use exercise as punishment. I require and WANT far more exercise than I did years ago and so I will just have to trust that I get enough. My motivation will ebb and flow, but it will never go away. I will accept me and my human-ness.

I won't call what I'm feeling excitement, exactly, more a curiousity of what exactly my future holds and how it all unfolds. I look forward to enjoying each and every day until I get there.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Have a vision.

-Roxie
144

Riding The Fences

2011-06-27T07:25:00.001-05:00

Just got in from riding the fences with Jimmie Dale Gilmore. Actually, I was tidying up a bit in the front yard, as I've deemed it the "front room" for flylady zone purposes. So, 15 minutes of sprucing up, accompanied by the world's talkiest cat. I also went for a nice little ride this morning, concentrating on some hill work. Hill, used with literary license.

Starting the countdown and packing for the trip next week. I'll hire my sister to come in every couple of days to water for me, otherwise I'll return to crispiness. The weather in NS is in the mid-fifties to mid-sixties. I hope layers will work for me. I'd prefer a nice 75, but it may not reach that.

Okay, so did you know that you can turn your coins into iTunes dollars at those coinstar machines at the grocery store? Well, you can. And I've got just enough of a credit for one good audiobook to download to my iPOD for the trip. I don't have an ereader, so audio it must be. Give me your best recommendation for a book that had a big impact on your life. Is there a book you reread for inspiration? I'm looking for something in the spiritual/self-help/motivational genre. What do you think I would most benefit from at this point in my life (and I promise not to take offense :-))? There will be some quite time on this trip and I plan to do some more reflecting, inventory work, reading (or listening) and writing. I welcome your suggestions.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Get in the zone.

-Roxie
144

ETA: I've read Bossypants and loved it.

Reading Between The Lines

2011-06-26T11:03:00.000-05:00

It's been a productive week. I haven't been particularly verbose here, but I have written a great deal. It's proven to be very enlightening. More is being revealed, as they say, and it with the knowledge comes either acceptance or action. Either way, it's all good.

Body hasn't wanted to cooperate this week at all. That always makes everything a level more difficult, but things are getting better and will continue to do so.

I've had a yearly dose of live performance over the last couple of weeks - from fully pro, to semi-pro, to community theatre, it was all good and fun. Last night's performance was great fun. I'd never attended one of their shows - they perform outdoors and so the shows don't start until 9pm - and they are out in the country a ways - I will certainly go again. What a fun way to spend a summer evening in Texas! I went with a group of friends - two of whom were celebrating birthdays, complete with crazy hats - again, it was grand.

Already in from the bike ride this morning. It was nice. I think I'll take a walk over to the gardens in a bit, before it gets too hot. I've got some errands to run and some chores to perform, but I'm getting strange pleasure out of the simplest, most mundane of tasks, as long as I perform them deliberately. Sort of a working meditation, I suppose.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Silence can be golden.

-Roxie

PS - saw this on a tote bag and it makes me laugh! Love it - not that I need another tote bag. My goal for the week? Smile before even getting out of bed. Sets the tone for the day.

This is Old News

2011-06-24T16:40:00.000-05:00

But it's still funny news. My Mother owns Beyonce's cousin, Mariah. Hand.To.God.

It's A Marvelous Night for A Rain Dance

2011-06-20T07:31:00.000-05:00

The high temps and high, hot winds are just a beating. And we are fortunate enough not to be battling wild fires. It is supposed to break within the next couple of days and we have a fifty percent chance of rain. If I knew a rain dance, I'd do one. The closest I come is the windsprints I do in the yard trying to dodge the sprinklers.

I'm still trying to work out a system for managing things around here. So far, I'm doing it okay, but I'd like to get my planning done so that I know - it's it Tuesday, it must be edging day - that kind of thing. As I've said, I've gone back to flylady for that very same reason - just to not have to think to much. To have it already laid out. My inspiration over the weekend was to link up areas in the yard with zones in the house! So flylady now manages my yard work, too! Brilliant, I say.

So this week is Master Bedroom. Not much to do inside, but I can concentrate my external efforts in the outdoor "room". Speaking of inside, I did get quite a bit done this weekend in the way of organizing things to fit my strengths and weaknesses. Weakness: I hate paperwork. If left to my own devices, I will let it pile up like crazy. I need to make it easy to file/handle. So I've set up my office in my teeny, tiny kitchen. Two file totes in an open area by the "bar". It is unconventional, but it's close, it's easy and I'll use it there.

Scored a lot more treasures from the moving neighbor's curbside. The most perfect of all was a gorgeous roll of fabric with more than enough to recover a little Danish modern chair that I have and to slipcover two pillows for the Barge! Seriously, this is exactly what I was looking for. Also, two posters and one print that will look perfect (some, not all) in my bedroom. I just need to wait for a sale on framing. I picked up a galvanized tub that will the perfect ice bucket for outdoor gatherings. Plus, a beautiful huge black art bowl/display piece. It's a little too big for me, but I think it will be perfect for Pebbles' place. I'll take it to her tomorrow. Oh, and a new beach towel, since I don't have one. It's the perfect color (lavender and white striped) to match my bedroom. I'm thinking of trying to figure out a way to make it into a makeshift area rug (runner) until I find a real one that I like.

And speaking of rugs, I bought a rug for the dining room, but got in home and put it in the space and didn't like it. Took it back and bought another runner again. I first bought this runner to go in the living room inside the front door. I bought it at a Tuesday Morning in Dallas, while shopping with Pebbles. I got it home and the scale was just off. It looked like it was just floating and didn't relate to anything else in the room, so I returned it to a Tuesday morning here in Fort Worth. When relating this story later to Pebbles, she asked me why I didn't put it in the hall? Too late, I said. "It's already been returned".

Saturday night when she came over she commanded that I get my straw yoga mat out of the hall, telling me that someone was going to get hurt! And yea, a couple of folks had actually slipped a bit. So when I returned the rug I'd purchased for the dining room, lo and behold, there was the same runner that I'd bought in Dallas and returned to this store some weeks before. So I bought the same rug again. And it's lovely in the hall. The straw yoga mat will be used to go under my ironing board so that spray starch doesn't get all over my floors.

Got in a bike ride (not long) on Sunday and another one already this morning. Tonight I'm going to my first neighborhood association meeting. Tomorrow night I'm going to Pebbles' and Slater's for dinner and then we are going to see Canned-Meat-Product-A-Lot. And I am so excited. Wednesday brings a Nova Scotia planning meeting. I understand the weather is rainy and cold there - sounds heavenly.

It was a productive weekend on many, many fronts. I kicked the tires and lit the fires, in a manner of speaking.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Do a rain dance.

-Roxie
142.5

Letting Go: One Fingernail At A Time

2011-06-19T08:18:00.001-05:00

This weekend has been an exercise is personal growth. I've spent quite a bit of time in tears - not the wailing and wringing my hands kind, but just the sadness, griefy kind.

Valuable Lesson in Letting Go: Avoiding isn't letting go. Out of sight, out of mind really doesn't do much in propelling one forward and it isn't a real strategy for acceptance.

So here we go with a lament-y post regarding Bick. Just some things that I need to get down. I have had no contact with Bick for nearly three months. He sent me a card/note a couple of weeks in telling me that he loved me and missed me so much and that he hoped someday things would be better. I did not respond. He sent me a "Happy Easter" text on, well, Easter, obviously. I did not respond.

Time passes. I've still got quite a few things up at his place. So about two weeks ago I contacted him, telling him only that I'd like to make arrangements to pick up my things and giving him a list of what they were. Some emails/text were exchanged, but I kept my interaction STRICTLY business. There were hooks being dangled, but I didn't bite.

I get a text on Friday telling me that he misses me. And you know, I'm sure he does. I honestly believe that he loved me as much as he was capable of. But nothing has changed. And my realization was that I still wanted it to. That some part of me was holding on to the hope that he would somehow come to his senses and COMPLETELY CHANGE WHO HE IS IN ORDER TO SATISFY ME.

That is not acceptance on any level. I know who he is. He knows who he is. And we both know he isn't going to change. I'm not in any danger of returning, but the real understanding came with me accepting responsibility for my own life and actions. And turning him loose in my mind.

This is where I have to stand by my belief that things do work out. They do. By whatever belief-system we have. Personally, I only have to look at what has happened to me in the last eighteen months to know that, to see it in my own life. The house hunt is the PERFECT example. I kept getting thwarted - and as in the case with the first house, in a really spectacular way. And then there were houses being sold right the second I decided to pursue them. Or sellers dillydallying around until I'd finally lost interest. And then, with this house, a random find followed by a miraculous 20K drop in price. And now I'm here. In a house/neighborhood that fits me to an absolute T. Despite of all of my best efforts to grab and hold onto OTHER things that came my way.

I'm not saying any of this to say that some ONE better is in my future. I do not know what the future holds. I just know that I have to let go of the past. And live strictly and completely in today, loving the life that is here now while anticipating the journey forward.

Anyone who knows me knows how much I love(d) and respect Bick. I've let go of him. Now it's time to let go of the fantasy.

So this evening, I'll make use of my new fire bowl and write down the things it's time to let go of and have a little ritual. Not that I believe that the ritual has any power in and of itself, but the physical act of doing this, along with the writing, can serve as a touchstone and a reminder, should I start to wander backwards.

Of Artichokes and Dust Mops

2011-06-18T08:29:00.000-05:00

Dinner was delish last night. I chose a starter as my entree. I'd had a nibble of this one other time and it was wonderful. Grilled artichokes served with grilled lemon halves. Probably brushed with some garlic butter/oil before grilling. Added a side of grilled asparagus and called it yummy!

The play. Well, it was good but I wasn't. At intermission the line to the ladies was very long, so my friend and I set out to find another one. By the time we got back, the show had started and we had to wait until a fight scene in order to be seated!! I was so embarrassed. Luckily, we found two empty seats on the aisle and didn't have to disturb everyone to rejoin the rest of the GNOs fourth row, center! They thought we decided to leave at the break (I almost said half-time!).

Got home to find my delivery from Flylady. I ordered a special broom, dust mop, damp mop and mop pads. I've never had tile nor wood floors, so these tools are supposed to work well on those surfaces. And yes, I probably could have found them elsewhere, but using flylady was a life-changer for me in the battle against clutter. I learned how to keep house from that website and so I feel really good about giving back by ordering my supplies from her/them. Consider checking them out if your house is out-of-control. It can get a little hokey, but I opted for the daily digest, rather than the emails. And since I'm looking to establish systems here at the new place, I've joined up again after an absence of many years. Just until I get a system for maintaining things inside and out.

The kids are supposed to come over for dinner tonight. I may look for a grill or I may look to just pick up a no-cook dinner. I'm leaning towards something with Costco's lime/cilantro shrimp. I just to figure out how to serve it so to satisfy the son-in-law. Or what to serve it with. Something to think about.

Did not sleep well last night, so I am really dragging this morning. Since I'm sitting here writing this, I'm obviously not doing my outdoor exercise this morning. I'm getting ready to butcher the lawn and then will probably head over to the gym later in the day.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Clear away the clutter.

-Roxie
140.5

What The Day Brings

2011-06-17T09:50:00.000-05:00

Today promises to be just grand. It started off with a curb-side treasure find - a portable firepit! Plus, some plastic shelves that may fit in my closet and hold my workout gear. I'm looking for solutions to this one that don't involve another piece of furniture. I don't want to crowd the space, but having the workout gear folded in the top of the closet requires me practice my standing vertical skills (of which I have exactly none) - so another solution is in order.

I took Cha-Cha out for a spin this morning - again, just grand. Today, I concentrated on doing the streets with more climb to them. Tomorrow might find me singing the "Hill Street Blues". (loved that show).

Tonight promises to be a grand time - dinner here
at one of my favorite places, followed by a live performance by the local Shakespeare company with three of the GNOs.

Saturday - I haven't decided what to do for my exercise on Saturday - maybe a riverside bike ride. And then I will pull the trigger on the baby Weber grill in time for Pebbles and Slater to come over on Saturday afternoon.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. May your day be as you like it.

-Roxie
142

The Gratitudes

2011-06-16T07:57:00.001-05:00

I was reading a story in the local paper this morning. As I was reading about a man from the county south of here and his struggle with a rare and debilitating illness, parts of the story began to crystalize. I know this man. I dated this man (briefly) prior to meeting Bick during the whole online dating debacle (Hi Karen! (she and I were having a convo re: words such as debacle and our propensity to use them)) back in the fall of 2005. He was a successful, local (to me at the time) small business owner with a nice life. Now at 50, he has lost it all because of this rare condition he didn't know that he had. Luckily (I hope), he's been accepted into a trial thing, but the costs will still be 150K. And there is no saying that the experimental procedure will even be successful. He really was a nice man - drove and raced muscle cars. Funny thing is, I was just reminded of him a couple of weeks ago. We had gone hiking out at Mineral Wells State Park together once and that's where I ended up on my bike with Talia the other day. It was from that trip with him that I knew how to get to the climbing area. Just shows to go you - live everyday to the max and don't be always wishing for tomorrow, as you never know what it might bring.

Took Cha-Cha out for a spin this morning, just through my neighborhood. Talk about grateful - just pedaling through this area fills me with gratitude. There are some charming arts and crafts bungalows around here, some darling tudors and a few cottage-y places. I like to think of CSH as a cottage, but really it has no cottagey elements, other than the gardens. I am so very fortunate to live in an area that just by being in it makes me happy. Happy and grateful by osmosis. I'll take it. I don't have to own those houses, just being close is enough.

Just got off the phone with Mom. Had a fun, laughing conversation. It's really strange how things work out. I pursued recovery because of my relationship with Bick. And I think that relationship was always supposed to be temporary. The lesson there was to help me work through and heal my relationship with my FOOs. I'm not naive enough to think my work is done, but I am enjoying a lot more peace where that is concerned. And I'll take it and be grateful for it. And I was able to provide some tech support to Mom without losing my patience. That, dear friends, is progress.

Possible fun things on the horizon. Pebbles' college friend, Bailey, has taken a professorship in The Netherlands starting this fall. She will be over there for the first year by herself while her BF finishes up in New Haven. Pebbles and I are talking about making a trip over there either this fall or next spring. Granted, another big trip wasn't on my agenda (or budget), but when there is an offer of a place to stay along with a weekend tour guide, you almost have to figure out a way to do this. Pebbles is working on the "mileage" angle to see if we can score the flights. It's fun to think about, anyway.

Food has been good. Exercise has been good. Living in the moment has been good.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Find something to be grateful for.

-Roxie
142

Blinded By The Light

2011-06-15T16:30:00.000-05:00

So yesterday afternoon was my dentist appointment. With the dentist for whom my sister works. Guess what I did before the appointment? Checked for strays. Know how I have to check for strays?

Picture the Evil Queen from Snow White - sitting at her new/old vanity looking into a lighted, magnifying mirror, wearing her glasses, with a mag lite in one hand and a pair of tweezermans in the other. That's a helluva lotta light and magnification. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do, especially when faced with the dentist light and HIS magnifier.

The good news is I had the best report ever on my dental health. All of this work and money and floss is paying off. One more graft and I'll be done!

Went for another run this morning. Short and slow. And then waited for the cable guy to give me back my internet access and streaming Netflix. Done.

Did not get the full night's sleep last night - thunderboomers woke me up in the night, but didn't bring very much rain. Only enough to spot up MalibuKen.

Tonight's plan includes yardwork (which means windsprints to dodge the sprinklers) and reading.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Take a good look in the mirror.

-Roxie
143

(SIDEBAR: I so hate blogger these days. It takes two or three or four attempts to do anything!!!)

Enchanted

2011-06-14T09:37:00.002-05:00

I must be living in some fantasy land. Last night? I slept for eight hours and seven minutes. Eight.Hours. I cannot even begin to recall the last time I slept for that length of time. And it's about the third night in a row where I got plus six and half hours. Must be some sort of alternate universe. So, I got up, laced up the brand-new Asics, braided some heather and ribbons into Glitter's mane, threw a Fascinator Hat on Jimmie Dale Gilmore and headed for the track. I'd decided to run again.

Just to see how it felt. Just for a mile. Just because it's easier to exercise in the morning this month. Just because I've live close to a slightly-cushy track. No more hard pavement pounding for me - the hip and the arthritic neck just won't stand for it. But this morning, just after the first few strides (if you could call what I do striding - Pebbles calls in prancing) I knew I had it. The mile. Not a long distance, for sure, but it was comforting to think I just go out and churn one out.

I went back through my old blog to search for my entry about the first time I actually ran a mile, but I can't seem to find it. I think I started with the C25K which I believe was more about timing than mileage and then I switched over to mileage somewhere about the two mile marker. Anyway, nothing to report about the magic of that day back in December 2005.

And in other looking-back news, with a heavy dose of "things work out", every morning I read from a couple of dated inspirational books. Today's reading included a sticky note from last year - to include in my daily prayers/meditations - Dana and Anne H - who were having issues with vehicles. It was just comforting to know that those things have worked themselves out. Both ladies are mobile these days. Always nice to see proof that things work out. It certainly helps with the whole faith thing moving forward.

And in other enchanting news (may be tied to the sleeping thing), I've read another book-a-day. That makes three since Saturday. Three books. Yes, they are pop-culture trash, but it's words on a page! I almost hate to have the cable/internet hooked up at CSH tomorrow. Hate to break the spell.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Take a unicorn for a run.

-Roxie
143

No Shrimps, No Barbie

2011-06-13T12:41:00.000-05:00

I didn't buy a grill, after all. I went with the intention of buying the Baby Q portable, but they didn't have any in stock and the others of this family were very expensive. I saw other grills at about half the price. Any grill recommendations? I don't want to spend over $200. I hate the idea of buying "disposable" as the reviews say these things will only last a few years, but the thought of dropping serious dough makes me cringe. I do know that the Baby Q portable has lasted Bick for several years of heavy use with no problems. Hmmm. I'd have to get a stand/table for it. Still undecided.

Saying goodbye to The Closet today. I'm turning in the keys. I'll be without internet service after work hours until Wednesday. The Closet served me well. It provided me with a good, healthful place to live - not to mention fun and very hip. It was the right choice for me to make at the time. Life at the Collinwood-Smythe House will be just as good, but in a different way.

No more access to The Closet means that I have to buy a dryer and quickly. I need to measure the opening (although I'm assuming these are pretty standard) AND the connecting stuff in the back, as several reviews have mentioned that larger capacity dryers push out into the room more. I don't have the space for that, so I just need to watch it.

I thought about buying a stackable dryer and then when the washer goes out, putting a stackable washer with it. That might be an option to free up a bit of space (maybe for a full-size dishwasher ;-)) kitchen-adjacent.

Got up and went outside just before daylight to get the sprinklers going - an early heatwave/no rain plague has set in. I just had to laugh out loud - I was adjusting the sprinklers and I looked up to see a beautiful white bloom on the vine growing on the top of the privacy fence. I thought to myself "I didn't know I had anything blooming that big and white on the fence?" Turns out, it was Jimmie Dale and her tuxedo-white chest tiptoeing along the fence, coming from the front yard into the back. That cat has an amazing sense of where I am, everytime I walk out the door. (oh dear god, I'm now talking about cats - I have no "edge" left - if you see me shopping for elastic-waisted pants and the Queen's handbag, just shoot me).

Set the sprinklers and then walked up to the track to get in some mileage. Not enough for weight management, but more for habit and centering. June is a tough month for me to get in my exercise.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Avoid wrinkles.

-Roxie
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